by Ryan Ambrose

Created on: September 11, 2008

Multilevel Cultism

It certainly wasn't what Markus was expecting.

Most of the other cults he ever encountered were, if not benign, at least harmless. A small core of believers, engaging in secret but pointless rituals followed whatever odd dogma built their theology. Occasionally, there would be some mass group debauchery, but no harm to all the normal people.

It was the doomsday cults that Markus hunted, and his belief this group was one such cult was what brought him here. They lurked in the darkest corners of the big cities or far out into the countryside, plotting to summon unnamed horrors or cast Spells of Ultimate Nastiness. They were extremely unpleasant people who didn't worry about things like the fact the monsters they summoned weren't housebroken.

They certainly didn't throw the kind of parties he saw here. Much less a party with upbeat music provided by a troupe of minstrels. Certainly nothing this absurd in front of a big, well-kept mansion with pink paper lanterns. Seriously, he thought to himself, had cult standards fallen so far that one would decorate their ceremonies with pink paper lanterns? And pink paper lanterns casting bunny shadows across the meticulous lawn, no less?

There were no hard-eyed guards, no big bizarre idols, and no rabid cultists charging him as he stepped through the open gate. Unsure of what to do, he walked cautiously towards the nearest person he saw, a cloaked man sitting behind a makeshift table stacked with scroll tubes. The confused Markus took his hand from the hilt of his broadsword as that man noticed he existed and smiled.

"Welcome!" The man with the scrolls took one from the table and offered it to Markus. "Are you interested in meeting your full financial potential? We can help you!"

"Uh, what?" Markus was genuinely caught off guard.

"It's the latest rage, of course. Multilevel Cultism! And you, my friend, could be the next man to retire with limitless gold with The Cult of the Pink Fluffy Bunny!"

"What do you mean, The Cult of the Pink Fluffy Bunny?" Markus was nearly overcome with confusion from his surreal circumstances. "What kind of cult name is that?"

"It's really quite simple!" The excessively exuberant man stood and spread his arms. "Cults that have vicious, scary, or gothic names tend to attract adventurers such as you. This makes starting a cult a high risk business opportunity. So, to maximize your investment and avoid heroes trying to kill you because they don't want you summoning monsters that aren't housebroken,

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