by Ann Denton

Created on: September 11, 2008

Be honest with yourself. Do family, friends and co-workers take advantage of you? Does your mother in-law always impose on you? Are you nervous to express your feelings? Are you afraid of criticism or being judged by others? Do you have difficulty saying "no," when what you want to say is "yes?"

Why do we find it so easy to say "no," to our spouse or to our children, but find it so hard to say to other people? It is such a small word, yet not simple to say.

In today's world, we are taught to put others first. However, at times, we need to put ourselves first and not feel guilty.

Why is it difficult to say "no?"

For most people, they find it difficult to say "no," because they simply believe by saying this, others will not like them. Little do they know, you can erase this message in your head and learn new skills and retrain your way of thinking. When you allow yourself to change your pattern of behavior, you need to take one-step at a time.

Learn to say "no"

It is very hard for someone who has a low self-esteem to set limitations with others. If you do something you really do not want to do, you will only end up feeling resentful to that person. Individuals who have low self-esteem often have a lack of assertiveness and feel the need to meet everyone's expectations. You need to teach yourself to replace old ways of thinking with new assertive thoughts.

Saying "yes," is simple. The ability of leadership is learning to say "no."

Let us take a closer look at the skills of saying "no."

* Take time to think things over thoroughly with an open mind. If you are having difficulty making up your mind, tell the person you need to check your schedule before making further commitments.

* Reply by using "I have decided not to, or I will not," instead of saying, "I cannot," to indicate that you have made a choice.

* Be direct and give a valid reason for refusal. Evade ornate clarification and good reason. A good example is "no," I have decided not to go bowling. I do not have the right kind of shoes." This offers the other person a chance to change your mind by saying, "no, problem, you can rent shoes there."

* Never apologize! Apologies are not necessary in order for refusal. Saying this only comprises your privilege to say no.

* Let go of guilt. Learn to say "no," without feeling guilty or obligation. It will only cause more stress in your life.

Saying "no" is not an act of selfishness. When you say "no," it allows you more time on the things you have already said yes to.

The worse thing about saying "no," is losing the person who was taking advantage of you in the first place. I just said "no, nope, nada" and did not feel guilty. See how easy it was.

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