by Ronnie Dauber

Created on: September 11, 2008

Saving your marriage for your children's sake isn't always a good idea because the important component for raising children successfully is love. And if love is not the reason to be together, then the lack of it will reflect on the children.

If the married couple are at the point where they both want to separate, then it is probable that there is little to no love between them. Regardless of the reason, it is also probable that there are more harsh feelings between them such as anger, animosity, distrust, resentment or aversion.

They may believe that they can live under the same roof and not be affected by these feelings and it may work for a while but the true feelings in the heart will come out sooner or later. This could lead to disaster for the whole family.

And even though the parents feel that they can play this deluded game without being caught, children can sense the truth from the start. The parents see their own viewpoints and accept the compromise for the sake of the children, but the children see the whole picture from a distance.

And sadly, children can become the innocent pawns in this game and be made the recipients of the parent's feelings for each other. So the parents think that they are doing the right thing for their children, but they may be destroying them instead because they are not treating them in love.

When these two parents are in the same room together, regardless of their pretentious attitude, the children will feel the anxiety between them and it will hurt them terribly because they love them both equally. And they will be left with the uneasiness of wanting to love both parents, but feeling that they can't express their love for one in front of the other.

This could lead to the children becoming non-responsive and appearing to not love either for fear of upsetting one of the parents. It could also leave the child just walking away from both of them because they can't love them they way they need to.

Seeing that the love between their two parents isn't real will cause them to question if the love between them and their parents is real. And that fear could cause them to become very insecure and introverted. The pretence of the parents can also cause them to become insecure and distrusting of their parents.

The children will soon learn that there is no "real" love in their home. Many will leave as soon as possible in pursuit of real love which could be hidden under the guise of drugs, alcohol or immoral sex.

If the parents separated, the children would be hurt at first, of course, but they would eventually accept the truth a lot better than accepting the lie. The children would be free to love both parents, and the parents would both be able to show their love to them freely.

Love is the essence for building good character and it can be received just as easily from a distance. It's pure, it's real and the children will know they are loved.

Learn more about this author, Ronnie Dauber.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.