by Stacey Allen

Created on: September 11, 2008

When it comes to getting married, it isn't all cake and roses. On top of working at your regular job, you will find that planning your wedding is, in itself, a full time job. Many aspects of planning can be done without a lot of stress, fortunately. Creating your guest list, however, can be a nightmare.

Not only do you have the people you want to invite: current friends, college buddies, coworkers, childhood friends; but you have your groom's list, and all the people your parents would like to come. Before you know it, you're staring at a list of 300 people for a reception site that only holds 125!

Before you even begin to compile your guest list, look at your budget and how many people you will be able to invite realistically. This task is made easier if you've booked your reception site and know how much you are going to have to spend per person attending. Once you know your final figure, sit down with your spouse-to-be and compile your lists, including friends, family, coworkers, everyone who you have ever wanted to witness your big day.

Talk to your parents and find out who they expect to be able to invite, asking them to keep in mind how many people you are going to have at the reception. If they start naming all their coworkers and friends from the old neighborhood, you may have to gently remind them that this is your wedding and although you would love for them to be able to share it with their friends, yours need to take precedence. If your list is already above and beyond the alloted spots, you may have to negotiate with them, all the while realizing they are probably just as excited as you are.

Once you have a realistic number from them, it is time to tackle the main guest list with your honey. Both of you should take a copy of the master list and break down your segments by groups: must have, would like to be there, won't be totally crushed if they aren't.

A good rule of thumb to live by is that if you haven't spoken to the person in four years, they shouldn't be invited. Another to keep in mind is that attendees in serious relationships (living together, engaged) should always be allowed to bring their plus one. If Becky, Meredith and Janel from college change their boyfriends about as often as they change their sweater sets, you can get away with an invite for them alone.

By doing this, you can help whittle down the list to something that is more manageable. Try and split the invites so you each get approximately half. Some give-and-take may be involved, but you both need to be willing to give in to make it work. If your family is huge and his is small, he may have some slots that can be given to your friends, so you are represented by more than just family and vice versa.

If you are planning on having a small reception, 60 people or less, you may find that making your list can be a little more difficult. Chances are, if your entire family is invited, they will make up more than 30 people. While you run the risk of offending your mother's second cousin, Maple; you can cut down family members included, if you do it fairly. Parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents... not cousins or extended family. Don't however invite Uncle Fred and his wife and not Aunt Mary and her live-in boyfriend, just because you don't speak to her as often. That can, and likely will, cause bad blood down the road for both you and your parent.

If it is an issue amongst family members, you may want to consider having an informal picnic or bbq after the wedding and honeymoon to celebrate with your entire family.

While it may take some time, negotiations and give-and-take, both you and your honey can come up with a list that will work for both of you!

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