by Marilyn Knowles Wilke

Created on: September 11, 2008

There are different kinds of bereavement. When you lose a spouse, you have a lot of loneliness issues to deal with and it is difficult to imagine doing anything without them. When you lose a child, it leaves with you several different emotions. Often, you blame yourself and you are dealing with wondering why your child went before you. There are so many emotions to deal with that no one can really comfort you no matter how hard they try. Even if they have lost someone, they cannot relate to you entirely. Sometimes talking to someone who has lost loved ones only makes it worse. They tend to compare your feelings to their own. Talking to a bereavement counselor gives you a chance to open up and say exactly how you feel without anyone comparing, correcting, or consoling you. Even though it does help to have friends and family around, sometimes people can make it harder to deal with because they do not know what to say or do. It is often unnerving when they attempt to comfort you and all you want is for them to leave you alone.

Bereavement counseling gives you the chance to say exactly how you feel without worrying that it will be told to everyone involved or taken out of context. Sometimes friends and family think they are doing you a favor by being there day in and day out, but the truth is, we need time to grieve alone, too. When you know you have a counselor to turn to, being alone is not as difficult. In fact, it can be healing as long as you are not holding everything in. Sharing your true feelings without worrying about what someone thinks or has to say takes a lot of the burden away. People can actually be very cruel when you are grieving. They tend to say really dumb things that make it much worse. You never know what people are going to do or say. The last thing you need while grieving is for someone to say "I know how you feel" or "You will get over this in time". Another line is "Just think of the good times". What do they think you are grieving about? You are grieving because you miss the good times. Yes, you are remembering bad times, too, but mostly it is thinking of holding them and needing them that sets off the depression. This is why it is better to talk to a bereavement counselor. They can help you sort through your feelings and learn to deal with them.

Since you do not personally know a counselor, it helps to open up to them and know that you will leave what is said with them. Each time you go to a session, it will get a little easier to talk and share what you are feeling. We all grieve differently. Some people can move on right away and others cannot. A bereavement counselor will know when you are ready. Friends and family tend to rush your grief, thinking that you are falling into a deep depression and even suicidal. It is true that some people do become suicidal, but most of the time they just need a little more help to deal with their loss. It helps to have a bereavement counselor to get you through the rough spots and ensure that you have enough grieving time so that you can move on with your life.

Learn more about this author, Marilyn Knowles Wilke.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.