by Roxanne Dubarry

Created on: September 10, 2008

I have never tried to find school friends on Myspace. I attended a total of fourteen schools during my lifetime including two community colleges. Since I was an unpopular student, finding my friends does not really interest me in the least.

You can be any one or thing on the internet and get away with it. I could claim to be a highly sucessful person in an higher income bracket to complete strangers and tell a passel of lies. When I was attending Edmonds Junior Highschool in the late 1960's I frequently threatned to, "grow up, be rich and buy the junior high school just to tear it down!" I was freqently made fun off, and learned how to hurt other people first. I was mean even to kids who never even harmed me. I learned how to be mean because of the public school system.

I wish that home schooling would have been available to me, I would have tried to take advantage of it.

I always felt that kids were kind to me because their parents and/or teachers told them to be.
Most often I was right, my feelings were hurt, and the so-called friendships were ended. Instead of being grateful to the adults who tried to help me, I got angry instead. I was an angry young girl who became an angry young woman.

Thanks to Jesus Christ, and prayers, I have tried to turn my life around. I do not want people who hurt me in the past, to have a part of my future. I am only human, and try not to become self-centered. Friends have accused me of being wrapped up in myself, and were correct of course. If I had no humor, it was because it was used to hurt me. A sense of humor was learned when I discovered that people wanted to make me laugh, without hateful words used to belittle and demean me.

I did not have a peaceful 15 years without friends, because I did not have any real friends left over from my public school days. Healing the emotional pain my peers caused me, is becoming a life long process. Like mental illness, it is never really cured only it goes into remission. I am in the process of forgiving people who I have harmed or who have harmed me.
However, meeting any of them again would only open up emotional scars.

Looking backwards on the past can be a major mistake. People are not the same as they were in public school. They either become better or worse people, they do not remain the same! Try finding your old school mates at your own risk, but be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions.

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