It happened. You had some doubt, but now you caught your loved one red handed with undeniable proof. After the anger and despair subsides, you are left with no more tears to shed and that subtle realization that you feel like you should try to save your marriage. You have lived together so many years that divorcing feels sort of out of question. If you have children, you realize you do not feel like putting them through the trauma of divorce. Last but not least you still love your loved one immensely and cannot imagine life without him/her.
As a religious person the sentence "till death do us apart" may keep running in your mind. Perhaps, you also lack that strength or financial freedom to allow a divorce to happen. However, it can be done. There are several examples of people still living together after infidelity. These may feel like weak people that were unable to separate and live without a husband or wife, but in reality it takes an enormous amount of effort and strength to forgive and overcome the crude reality of being cheated on.
Like following a sort of bad dream, you wish you could waken up to the days before the cheating episode was revealed.......
Saving a marriage after infidelity may feel like cleaning up after a tornado. You will find your self picking up pieces one by one and trying to put them back together. The biggest challenge is regaining faith in your loved one. Many questions will overwhelm your mind.
The biggest ones being "Will he/she do it again? Can I trust him/her going out? Do I need to worry every time he/she is late? Will I need to hire a private investigator?"
This is something you will need to consider. Will you be able to forget about the whole thing and trust again? What will make you trust him/her again? Is a promise sufficient?
Should he/she do it again will your forgive, or is it something like two strikes and you are out? Will he still be in contact with the guy/gal he/she cheated with?
The best way to give some trust back is by talking. Find out if this was a one time misshapen or if it will likely reoccur. Statistics are unfortunately not much on your side, as it looks like who cheats once is likely to do it again. Will you be able to put up with that?
However, this is not a rule of thumb, there are those cases where the offender is completely penitent, and the whole idea of putting their loved one through the whole ordeal again makes the cheating act itself lack its pleasurable side. It would be best though if you would accept that this may not be the likely scenario.
Another good question to ask your self is also "Will you be able to put this whole ordeal behind and bury it in the past?" It would not be fair to forgive and then bring this fact up at every fight. You have decided to forgive so you should must put an effort to keep away all the resentment. Forgiving comes with a certain dose of responsibility. Should the resentment interfere too much with the relationship then separating would be ultimately the best option.
Some people believe that cheating on the cheater can save a marriage. Unfortunately this is unlikely to happen. Not only are you doing to yourself an injustice because you are cheating against your will, but you may also find yourself suffering and thinking "I can't do this to my loved one, how the heck did he/she do this to me". The outcome therefore may be more harmful than beneficial. Yes, you may feel like you have scored even, but inside you may feel as hurt as before.
Saving a marriage after infidelity is tough. You ave a big job ahead. But nobody ever said it cannot be accomplished. If you have a strong will to stay with your loved one, and your loved one shows some commitment to refrain from repeating the offending act, then you have a chance. Some people take the chance and live up to it, others refrain from even giving it a try. It's all a personal choice. Should your heart say stay and your mind say go, consult with a marriage counselor, many times it takes an outside person to bring back an agreement between heart and mind..