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Assisting aging parents or adult children can become quite a burden while still being a source of joy, as we approach retirement age. When we're younger we expected our children and parents to be capable of taking care of themselves as we aged. We also expected ourselves to be in excellent health and that we would get our turn to "enjoy the life of leisure." However, for many people, this expectation is never achieved. Many discover their elderly parent(s) and/or adult children are not adequately capable of taking care of themselves. Whether it be temporary or permanent assistance, this care can become very stressful and cause very mixed emotions. Frequently, we have to face the fact that we ourselves are not in the best of health, and have some limitations. So how does a person who is fifty years old or older cope with all this stress?

I have several people who require my assistance quite frequently, due to aging, disabilities, or financial distress. Just like others with full-time care relatives, I too must carefully choose what my priorities are. I constantly have to face my own emotions, and adjust my own perspective. Sometimes I must insist on concentrating on my own health, while at other times I can put my spouse or other relatives first.

To effectively cope with all the stress and emotional roller coaster, I first decide what everyone's needs actually are. Assessing the situation helps me to determine when my attention is absolutely essential, or when I can leave the task to others. Since people are always in a state of change, the situation will change often, which means my priorities will change frequently. I tend to re-evaluate my priorities on a daily basis, due to having to cope with so many other people's problems. This is where knowing yourself and others well comes into play.

The next task in coping with all the stress and emotions is to determine what my own limitations may be. I do a quick assessment of my own health, resources, and commitments before agreeing to help anyone else. I ask myself if I would actually be helping the person or harming him or her. Is there another resource more suited to the task that the person could utilize? There are several good programs available to help the elderly and disabled be able to live on their own, without being placed in nursing facilities. For example, many states offer home health care, where a nurse checks on the person once a week, and someone is provided to do the light

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