by C Kedor

Created on: September 09, 2008

I never knew how much having children of my own would mean to me until I saw my eyes looking back at me as I held my son for the very first time. As you can imagine, this meant a lot to me, in fact, more than most, because I was adopted. This was the very first time someone resembled me and I had connected to someone in that way. I remember running my hand over his little arms and caressing his cheek all the while making a mental note that he had my skin color as well.

Adoption, though it is as wonderful as it is necessary in today's society, does at times leave children scarred. The most wonderful adoptive parents in the world cannot completely erase the scars that come with knowing that somewhere out there are parents that decided not to raise you as their own. Rejection in any form is hard for anyone to take, especially a child that hasn't yet developed the know how to process their feelings. Now as an adult, I know that one of my biggest mistakes as a youth was not realizing that love not blood makes you a true family. Yet still, I was only human, and a child to boot, and the fact was that it was painfully obvious that I was adopted. No one had to tell me because I could see this everytime I looked in the mirror. I do remember feeling loved and having a good childhood. Fortunately for me there is power in someone loving you when they didn't have to. It is a pretty powerful statement of love when someone takes you in because they want to provide a home, a life for you.

Adoption, however, can be a double edged sword in that it has it's pros and cons. One of the biggest cons is that you are aware that there is somewhere out there who passed up the opportunity to be your mom or your dad. Maybe this hit me so hard because I had to process this a little earlier than most adoptive kids had to but it did hit home a few times. Questions of how my father had come to the conclusion that his life would be better off without me in it plagued my thoughts at times and made me feel bad about myself. Let's face it, at any age this isn't a real confidence booster. All the love in the world cannot erase what someone else, who should have loved you even before you were born, didn't want to do. One has to admit anyone would question why someone just walked away from their own flesh and blood.

My story is one of being the only person of Vietnamese decent in my household. I was the only one with jet black hair and dark brown, slanted eyes. My skin color which is often times referred

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