by Glenda Thompson

Created on: September 08, 2008   Last Updated: November 25, 2008

With lightness and humour! That, I believe is the key to handling both of these fragile and quirky situations in a family.

It always amazes me how many people don't seem to think they'll get old. Old is for "other folk" they think. They can't believe that they too will end up as wrinkled, arthritic old crones with muddled memories. In fact, ageing is not something many people, particularly the "twenty and thirty something's" care to think about. By the time they hit fifty they are starting to creak at the joints and this comes as something of a shock. Add to the creaking-joint-shock the fact that they have parents who are a good deal older, a lot creakier and very possibly totally unable to care for themselves, and then top it off with children who have reached young adulthood and are still unsure what to do with their lives, and it's as if a tsunami and earthquake have hit the family in one fell swoop!

Some serious deep breathing exercises, coupled with early morning yoga classes, chamomile tea (calming, very calming) and meditation sessions on a Sunday morning (before church) come highly recommended for any self respecting 50 year olds who happen to find themselves in this situation. It also helps if the ageing parent and the never never land child join in. Doing calming, happy things together always helps! Humour in truck loads is absolutely essential.

It helps too, of course, if the ageing parent is bright and cheerful. My mother, who had lived in Zimbabwe (which has the highest inflation in the world at present) for most of her life and left when the Zimbabwe dollar was still fairly strong, was always convinced that it was going to stay strong. When the economy started sliding out of control and the dollar became totally valueless we chose not to tell her. When she became too frail to take care of herself we gave her a little room of her own in our home. The bank had long ago told us that there was no point in paying her pension in to her account as it was now "worthless". We kept this dire news from her and made a plan that she should always be totally oblivious as to where the money was coming from. No matter what, we would all look after her. Siblings and grandchildren got together and arranged to take her on outings, help out with her medical aid and generally keep her as healthy and happy as possible so that she could keep her dignity intact.

When she finally had to be moved to a home in her nineties, she went with good grace and became the life and

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