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Angry kitty? What else is new? It seems, to me at least, that cats spend about 65% of their time angry with somebody. If they're not angry with you, they're angry with the birds outside, the dog inside, the television, the hair dryer, or just the world in general. Now don't get me wrong, here. I love cats. I just happen to know how they behave, is all.

If you happen to make the mistake of angering a cat, which you can do by getting up in the morning, stepping over them, closing a door, anything at all, the first thing that you do NOT want to do is pick them up. Some cats will turn and fight while others will just chalk up the indignity of it all and pee in your slippers later on. Don't add to the fire.

The best advice I can give anyone with a mad kitty is to be patient, but very, very careful. Do not leave your checkbook, mortgage payment, favorite photos, etc., lying about where the cat can access them for chewing, scratching, or the ever popular, peeing. Cats have very long memories, but very short attention spans, so you don't want to call attention to anything that can be used against you.

When entering the house after angering a cat, open and close the door quickly a couple of times without actually entering the house. On the third time, enter quickly and close the door. Often times a cat will lie in wait near doors, waiting for you to come home to be victimized. Make sure that your shoes are securely tied with the shoelaces tucked inside if at all possible. Nothing entertains a cat better than pouncing on the offending person's shoe and causing an accident with a dangling shoe lace.

If you must go up and down stairs, be sure to inspect the area carefully from a nearby doorway for any prowling felines. One sure fire method of getting back at humans is to jump out and race in front of you or between your legs as you are beginning your descent on the stairs. I think that they take this trait in with their mother's milk. All of them will do this at some point.

Of course, the oldest and greatest trick in the book to irritate an offending human is to defecate or urinate on pillows, in shoes or slippers, or just anywhere but the litterbox. Be on the lookout for cats going into stealth mode. That's a sure sign of something going on, something that you, their human, will not approve of.

In short, dealing with an angry kitty takes a lot of patience, humor, and a good supply of carpet cleaner.

Learn more about this author, Diane Jaramillo.
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