by Giles Day

Created on: September 08, 2008   Last Updated: November 01, 2008

Statistics show that those of us in our fifties are living in a kind of twilight xone era. Our parents are old, and are children still need us. Sonetimes the pressure is more than we choose to bear, more thn we can handle.

If you had asked me twenty-five years ago, how I would ever handle all the pressures of having an aged parent and two children who seem to need me more than they ever did when they were kids, I probably would have laughed at the thought.My parents were both alive, vibrant retirees enjoying their life since their six children fled the nest. My dad passed away in an accident at the age of sixty-three. Mom was a widow who traveled with her sister and visited her children and grandchildren.

All that is in the past and I now find myself right there, in the middle of everyone's world. Both my son's have gone through a bad marriage. One married very young, had four children in five years, and seemed unable to bear all the responsibility. His wife chose to leave the marriage, and eventually he had custody of all four children. He struggled and leaned on us as parents even harder. At times it seemed that the simpliset thing was beyond his understading. I learned quickly (through trial and error with my big mouth)that while they wanted love,support and sometimes money, they seldom really wanted advice, they just wanted someone who would support them no matter what they were going through. When my older son's first marriage dissolved, I was there with love,kindness and free babysitting. These are the things that he needed most at that time. I refused to get upset with him, or to cut down his spouse. When he asked me what I thought, I told him, and then I sought the advice of a trained counselor to help me help my son. He encouraged me to simply love my son through all of it. My son is now the father of five,is happy, stable and very happily re-married.

The younger one's marital break-up did not involve childrem but rather produced a young man with a sad, broken spirit who still needed his mother very much. Again, love, understanding, listening, and reminding an adult child that life goes on,seemed to be the most important factors in helping him put his life back together. A bus ticket to the state where I lived,so I could help him more efficiently and always be there for him, and lots of tears later, he too is putting his life on track. I think that in these situations, just being there is enough. That is the biggest help you can be at that time.

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