by Annette Radford

Created on: September 07, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

The death of a friend or acquaintance by suicide is a great shock. It is even worse is when the person is a family member. I have known two people who took this drastic measure. My first reaction was anger that this person had taken that which I valued most - life itself - and thrown it away . I could not bear to look at those closest to the individual without feeling not only my own intense pain, but also a large measure of embarrassment at the pain I saw reflected in their faces.

So I pulled away, making every excuse not to come into contact with those involved, as if suicide was a contagious disease. Unfortunately this is often true, those close to a victim of suicide are themselves at increased risk. Until the victim was the eighteen-year-old son of my closest friend and a workmate of my own son.

I asked my son how he liked working with Patrick. He answered, "That kid's got issues," and refused to say anything more. Just over a year later Patrick ended it all. The fact was he had suffered from mental illness for most of his short life. Authorities denied that a boy so young could suffer serious depression and told his parents that he would grow out of it - he didn't, but solved it himself by committing suicide.

Professional deafness was the first big mistake. Always listen to a person who mentions suicide, even as a joke, because they are often just testing the way those around them will react. If there are other behaviours that show possible illness, take it very seriously no matter how young or old the person may be. Other indications could be a feeling of hopelessness, giving away favourite possessions, sudden mood swings (including crying), sleep disturbances, loss of interest in activities they previously enjoyed and withdrawal from loved ones.

Those especially at risk are the ones who have attempted suicide before, anyone with a mental illness, suffering chronic disease or unable to make friends. Those who have been abused themselves in any way are also at risk. Abuse lowers the individual's self worth and also inures them to violence, which includes self-harm. Have they suffered a major disappointment or even a death in the family? Have they started drinking or abusing any other drug? This could be an attempt to self-medicate the way out of psychological pain.

At this point I would like to mention a few statistics. In Australia between 1996 and 2006, more people died at their own hand than in motor vehicle accidents. Males are more like to commit suicide

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