by Cheryl Shimoda

Created on: September 05, 2008

Ah, the touchy subject of ex's. Back in high school, it seemed as though despite any and all efforts one made to be friends with an ex, it usually fell apart with almost no effort instead; a very frustrating experience for anyone trying to maintain a stable friendship. Perhaps in those days, my peers and I just didn't have a better method of dealing with the hurt feelings or revisions in our perceptions and expectations of the other party. Yet, it was almost easier to end a relationship poorly instead of dealing with the awkwardness of remaining friends with an ex. In fact, if one did a good enough job, an ex could ignore the other's very existence.

So, how does one deal with an ex?

Obviously, there isn't a sure-fire way of keeping a friendship with an ex since each situation is different from person to person. In some cases, the emotional trauma from a problematic situation is enough to say "I've had it! I'm never speaking to you again!" Or, perhaps some time needs to be taken for both involved to sort out their feelings, let the break up sink in, get their lives back in order, and then come back to see if a friendship is still possible. However, it is possible for an ex to become your best friend. After all, they're supposedly the special, most trustworthy individuals you've opened up to the most with pure honesty in everything you say and do. Even if it meant being a little blunt at times about your feelings while wanting to remain genuine. They're the ones who know you as well as your own parents and could probably rattle off the list of weird quirks too.

Thanks to a previous boyfriend, he changed my outlook on coping with changes in relationship statuses. My ex's mother would tell him and his sister as they were growing up that she married her best friend and their father would grunt in confirmation. With this mindset, he believed dating someone should be similar: they should be your best friend. The type of best friend you can share anything and everything with, from debating over the presidential race to discussing which company produces the most comfortable socks. The type of best friend who will hang out with you at Wal-Mart in the wee hours of the morning just because you feel like it and wanted company at the time. It's because of these types of memories that lead me to believe I could still be best friends with him even if things didn't work out so well in the future.

I'll be the first to admit, we don't associate much now with our lives leading us off in different directions. But, whenever there's some overlapping free time between the two of us, we still go out for some coffee and catch up on the other's recent happenings. After all, no one said love ends when a relationship does: it just takes on another form.

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