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I have thought long and hard on this subject. I struggled with this when my child was young and doing well in school. I ultimately decided that reward of any kind builds self esteem that cannot be given. Today I may be giving a reward for good grades or taking out the trash when asked, but tomorrow my child will look at her ever expanding piggy bank and think, "I made that money all by myself." "I did a good job and was rewarded, I want to do a good job tomorrow and see how much more I can make."

When my daughter would make a certain amount for a toy or bauble she had been eyeing, we would make the trek to the store for her to spend her "pay." The pride in that baby's eyes when she paid with her own money was my pay for the day. Of course as you become an adult your needs and wants change, but the pride you feel for a job well done and well rewarded cannot be given to another person.

Praise of course goes without saying, children need your praise to thrive and feel loved, but that praise cannot build self esteem and pride. Those attributes must come from within and be self earned.

I have a sister-in-law that has done everything for her children and never expected or demanded anything from them. She says her kids are going to have an easier life than she had. I see this as a horrible mistake that now cannot be changed. Her children grew up with a sense of entitlement and therefore believe everything will be handed to them just because they exist. They don't pitch
in with household chores, they don't have jobs, they eat, sleep and lay around the house while their parents break their necks trying to take care of them. Money is handed to them on a daily basis without expectations of any kind.

I believe you do a child a huge disservice by not showing them how the real world works and functions. If your child only ever expects praise, will that child then grow up and go into the work force, accepting a lower pay because they are praised regularly? Our world works on a pay for work basis and your child will benefit from that knowledge. They will also benefit from praise so give both freely when deserved.

I am proud to say my daughter is very successful in her career. She is a traveling Surgical Technician for a Cardiac Unit, and at night she is finishing her degree to start medical school. I not only believe she benefitted from rewards for good grades, I believe she excelled.

Learn more about this author, Luann Dawkins.
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