by Barb's voice heard

Created on: September 05, 2008   Last Updated: September 06, 2008

People always want what they cannot have is a natural thought of growing and of change.
If you plan your goals wisely and one step at a time, it can be achieved. Set a simple goal and stick with it. Then when you reached that goal, go for the next goal to better yourself or your family. Sometimes illness, loss of job, loss of a friend or loved one can devaste you and you go through a grieving process. That is also change. Always complaining or wallowing in self pity about the things you cannot have hurts you and your self esteem and eventually your health. Stress related disorders from stomach trouble to ulcers to bowel problems, or from headaches to migraines to depression. From constant minor illnesses to cancer. Keep in mind what is important to you and to your spouse and intimate partner and family. Happiness comes from within and from your positive frame of mind. You cannot please everyone, but you can talk and listen, really listen to yourself, really listen to that partner. You may not always be right and neither will they, but you have to set goals that are realistic for now and build for the future. Some people have a tendency to control other people because they feel they have no control over themselves, because they are not happy with themself. Why? Unrealistic goals and an unchanging mindset of attitude or entitlement. This does not mean that if someone is mistreating you that you say to yourself, I can never be treated with trust and repect and compassion. For you can, but you have to get help through some type of counseling to build up your self esteem again. Find someone you can trust that can help you keep your positive frame of mind to become whole again. Then you are achieving what you can have and not accepting what someone tells you that you can't have.

There will always be something that you want and may never get. A longer life or become wealthy by winning the lottery. They are not unachievable goals, but they are by chance, by luck; not by working and planning and communicating one step and goal at a time. By always wanting another peson to change by trying to change them yourself; when in reality they have to want that change or else it will never work. You have to change yourelf, your frame of mind to your own needs and realistic wants and make them goals. What is really important to you? Stop and think, write it down. Look at the first thing on your list and then the last thing. Do you put yourself first or last? Is it something that you can change yourself; or do you need help with that? Are the things that you want healthy and positive and nuturing to your soul? You need faith and hope and respect of yourself and of others. You don't need to say "Who am I?" or "I am not good enough." Deep down you know who you are and have to build and learn and grow and achieve or realize what is really important to you and work on that and there will be more of what you have that you really need and less of what you want and cannot have.

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