by Gail Isley

Created on: September 05, 2008   Last Updated: March 06, 2010

My life up until the age eleven was joyful, adventurous, and one to be admired by other youngsters. I had two very loving parents that loved me to no end. I even had a younger sister to pal around with and beat up on occasion. My family wasn't rich, but we had what we needed. We were just your average everyday middle class family living normal lives. Oh, how I long for the days that I was stigma free!

My stigma started the day my family gathered to celebrate my father’s 30th birthday in the park. It was a wonderful day. It wasn't too hot and there was a gentle breeze blowing. I remember seeing my parents grilling hot dogs and hamburgers on one of the old timey charcoal grills. "Mom, me and the other kids are going to play on the playground," I excitedly shouted. As I began to run to catch up with the other children my foot got caught under a tree root, I tripped and hit the ground. "It's nothing more than a scrape honey, go play with your friends" my mom lovingly said.

Weeks turned into months and my scrape had not gone away. In fact, it had expanded large enough to cover nearly my entire knee cap. My mother took me to a dermatologist who diagnosed me with having psoriasis. For those of you reading that are not aware of what this is, let me explain. Psoriasis can take many different forms but the most common is large patches of thick, scaly red skin. These lesions cover your body from head to toe. It is a non curable disease and is only passed by heredity. This is my stigma.

As time went on, the Psoriasis continued to all other parts of my body. From the age of eleven to about twenty-five I was taunted with rude and emotionless stares. I could walk into a room and stop conversations. I'll never forget the time I went to a public swimming pool and was told to get out of the water because I would contaminate the pool. That was the last time I ever went swimming and I am now thirty.

It is a painful and lonely disease to have. You can't hide it because it's on the outside of your body instead of the inside. It has affected everything I do. It affects my ability to go swim with my children. On days they swim, I sit by the pool side clothed head to toe on 90-100 degree days because I'm so embarrassed of the way I look. It affects my ability to completely let go and be intimate with my husband without worrying about what's he's thinking as he looks at my naked body. When I’m in a crowded environment I have to be careful not to so much as touch another soul in fear they may cringe and treat me as if I should have stayed ten feet from them. When I meet someone they spend more time looking at my red patchy spots, than at my face.

Having psoriasis has affected my daily moods. I spend a large part of my days thinking of how I can get my skin better. Some days it's all I think about and it upsets me that I can literally do nothing but watch it spread. At one point I let it depress me so bad that I literally tried to eat my way out of thinking about it and gained 50 pounds. I have tried everything to clear my skin including putting household products on it, taking every herb known to man and many other "home remedies" found on the internet.

Living a life this way is not fun. I would not wish this disease on anyone, not even my worst enemy. All that I can do is to have faith in the Lord that one day a cure will be discovered and that I'll get to spend some time on this earth as a normal person. Until then I will keep praying and keep my ears open for every new treatment that can at least hide the ugly flaky lesions on my skin. This is my stigma.

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