by Shandra Lorne

Created on: January 11, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

Your significant other is there to help you through the bad times and make life a little more worth living. We enter into relationships not because we need them, but because they make life better.

That being said, it is time to call it quits when your partner begins making you feel bad about yourself. The FIRST time your partner puts you down verbally or hurts you physically in any way, THEN is the time to get out of that relationship. Violent and cruel partners are usually, but not always, guys. I have had friends and also two sisters in abusive relationships, and when the initial problems begin, there is no stopping the cycle.

To make it easier for a woman to end such a relationship, she should first anticipate what the abuser's next move will be after a fit of violence. It will either be, "I'm sorry, honey-I'll change for you" or "I'll go to rehab-I'll get help," or some other trite nonsense about this being the last time. DO NOT BUY INTO IT. If you can anticipate these tactics, you won't be duped by them. No one deserves to be physically harmed or treated as if they are inferior. Especially not by the one who should love them most. And in my observation of many, many relationships, many of them violent, PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE AFTER THEY ENTER A RELATIONSHIP.

The reason why abuse must be nipped in the bud initially is that later, when the abuse becomes habitual, abusers will become violent, and at that point, simply getting out will not be enough. At that point, a woman (or in extreme occasions, even a man) will need a support system-nay, an entire arsenal-of friends, family, and even law enforcement officials who are willing to help her protect herself while she attempts to leave the violent individual.

The beginning of a relationship is the best time to spot the warning signals of a violent person. If the person drinks heavily or even moderately, that is warning in and of itself. Maybe that person doesn't get violent when he or she drinks. Maybe. But because your happiness is at stake, is that a chance you want to take?

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