by Juliet Annerino

Created on: September 04, 2008

"Shot of Tequila, Milk of Magnesia"

Getting old is a lot like getting drunk. Sure, getting old isn't as fun ~ or as quick. The results though, are pretty similar. Both induce the dizzying distillation, the uncanny concentration, the petulant polarization of pure personality! The spilling of secrets, the spinning of yarns, the wildly expressive waving of the arms and well, they both make you want to visit the bathroom.

After going through a case of beers, like after going through a lot of years, people simply become who they really are. Only more so. Either that, or they become unconscious. At this point, they are either carried out of the bar or left in the easy chair where they were sort of watching the "Tonight Show" while loudly telling you that story again.

Before losing consciousness, the drunken as well as the elderly, can be the ultimate in entertainment. In fact, both the drunken and the elderly are often deemed "characters", like the players in a movie, book or play, by fascinated spectators (especially those lacking these artful powers of entertainment). The drunken lose their inhibitions and gain confidence. The elderly lose their desire to impress their elders and gain the forgiveness of innocent (younger) bystanders they might otherwise carelessly offend. Powers of expression flow quickly, effortlessly and often unpredictably for them. The drunken, like the elderly, may also drool to make a point or invoke other gestures that may be mistaken for poor motor skills by the young or sober.

Ah, pity the young and the sober, forever wincing, dodging, shielding their heaven-cast eyes and hell-singed souls from the brazen, blinding brilliance of the gin-soaked and the geriatric They shake their heads slowly and lower their heads in the pious shelter of borrowed shame. Will they ever know the joys of not being polite? Of just letting whatever pops into their heads, pop right out of their mouths? Of not bothering to pull up the zippers on their pants? Of just being themselves? If it helps, I'll drink to it! Ultimately, only time will tell days like drinks, seem to rinse clean the little cares from the crevices of our collectively clenched consciousness. And life is simple again. Suddenly, we have all the time in the world. We are reckless, ruthless and fearless. We are heroes. OH, and yes, I will have another.

By Juliet Annerino 2008

(After losing a drinking contest at
The Happy Hills Retirement Home)

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