by Ronnie Dauber

Created on: September 03, 2008

Single dads crave for the companionship of female company even more than single guys because there's a void in their heart now that aches to be filled. This void isn't just sex; it's having someone to share with, to laugh with, and to trust again.

But it also is something that doesn't always come to the single dad as freely as it does to the single guy. The difference between them is that the latter has children who must always be at the foremost of his thoughts and actions. He is entitled to date other women even though he has children, but there are a few things to consider.

The fact that the children's mother is not there indicates that there has been a major hurtful event to separate them. Whether it is divorce or passing, children often struggle with accepting the mother's absence and will fight the notion of their dad dating again.

They feel threatened that dad will suddenly bring this stranger into their home and that they will have to call her mom. They feel that this new woman will close the door to their heart on the mom that they love and miss. They don't understand the significance or the difference between the two.

The single dad needs to assure his children that their mother is their mom, and that she will always be the most special person in the world to them. He needs to continually promise them that this will never change.

Then he needs to explain to them that he is dating someone so he can have a friend to be with just as they have best friends to be with. He needs to reassure them that this date will never interfere or take away from anything between him and them.

If this date turns into a serious relationship, he needs to show his children that she is going to be joining their family and not ever replacing their mom. He should encourage them to call her by her name and never imply that she is mom. That is something they will do on their own when and if they are ready.

The single guy has no obligations like the single dad does, who can never let dating take pre-eminence over anything that was promised to his children. For example, school open house or Christmas concert or play day where the children look forward to their dad being present.

And if he wants to bring his date to these events, he must remember two things: not to put all his attention on his date and treat his children as entertainment, and to always ask the children if they mind if he brings his date because she really wants to watch.

He needs to make sure that the dates aren't out of the home too frequently because if they are, the children will feel like they are being left behind. The dad needs to go out at times, but should make them specific times so that the children can accept that as his time out. Majority of the dates should involve the children at first so they don't feel left out.

If the date does become serious, the dad shouldn't just plop her in the middle of his family life, but should introduce her in every aspect as someone who really wants to be there. He should let them know that she cares and wants to be part of what they are doing.

Children have the ability to make parents feel guilty and use it as a controlling devise over them. Single dads need to be wise and know the difference between genuine concern and guilt so that neither you nor your children suffer unjustly.

He can enjoy his children and his date by remembering that his first passion and responsibility is to his children.

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