by Kim Bonnalie

Created on: September 02, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Dating an idea rather than a reality can sound flat out attractive sometimes. Every woman spends a certain amount of time buried in a time warp with Ben and Jerry or a wonderful man named Greg Norman, wondering if there will ever come a time or a man who really fits the mold. The idea of the perfect man is grand but unrealistic, just as the idea men have of the perfect woman. Putting guys you date up to the standard of your ideal man is not only okay but necessary. However, when you find a relationship and end up dating your idea rather than the reality, that's when dreams become dangerous.

The most important thing you can always remember is that every relationship needs trust. When dating an idea, there is no trust. You simply cannot trust an idea. More importantly, if the relationship persists long enough, you loose trust in yourself. That is where the true danger lies.
I had just moved to a new small town when I was a senior in high school. I went form one failed relationship to another, (of course, at 18, what relationship was supposed to work forever right?). I was convinced there was something wrong with me because I was not finding my prince charming. I began seeing a guy from work who was just a few years older than me. He was fascinating to me with his life stories, so different than mine. I was drawn in by the experiences and grand tales of stories but had no idea what I was getting myself into.
It crept up on me when I was least expecting it. Just when our relationship got relatively serious my parents began saying they had issues. No surprise to me at 18, I blew it off even though my parents were very stern about it. By the time we had been together for about 8 months, I began to feel a little strange. The rift between him and my parents had caused a lot of problems, and I wanted my normal life back. I told him that if he had nothing to hide then to set this mess straight. then came the shock that I had partially expected, but no less brutal than as if I hadn't been ready.
My entire relationship was a lie. He had lied about his school, his jobs, even his family. Each place he lived, his ex girl friends, even his name. I was devastated. I had put in so much time and effort into the relationship. At the time I thought, I quit drinking (sad for an 18 year old girl to not allow herself to go out and have a beef on Friday after the homecoming game) because I wanted to be supportive of his recovery from alcoholism. I had stood up against my parents, unknowingly

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