by Carol P. Bartlett

Created on: September 02, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, life as they know it comes to an end. Their life begins to enter a transitional state of mixed emotions. Their life before the diagnosis was moving forward; everything was going along as planned. As the oncologist speaks in a serene voice the patient suddenly feels the breath being pulled out of their lungs and they feel as if the rug has just been kicked out from under them. In that instant their life flashes before their eyes; in 60 quick seconds their previous life is gone forever.

Days seem to pass by as they try to reach out and grasp something to steady their descent into the pitfall known as cancer. The emotional stages may vary from one individual to another or even vacillate. 1) For awhile they may remain in denial, especially when the diagnosis was unexpected. When a person hadn't felt sick the news is even more deafening. 2) The next phase begins a questioning stage. They often have the dreaded thought, am I going to die? These thoughts have the potential to fill their head every waking moment. They may be unable to think rationally, everything starts moving like a kaleidoscope in their mind. 3) Reality sets in; the time comes for them to tell their family. They summon their strength from their faith and attempt to conceal their deepest feelings. They try to remain strong in their children's presence in order to lift the spirits of their families.

Family, friends, and neighbors attempt to give all family members as much reassurance as possible, telling them that no matter what happens everything will be alright. When the cancer victim has accepted Jesus, as a Christian they have the reassurance and Faith in God that gives them strength in mind and body. They reflect back on their life and begin to ask themselves questions. Such as, have I lived my life to the best of my ability? Did I accomplish all my goals up until this point? Did I instill in my children the values I wanted them to have to make it in life? Is there anybody I need to apologize too? These are only a sampling of questions that may be running through their mind day and night. Then comes the much dreaded questions, when am I going to die? How long do I have?

Eventually the patient starts to accept that God is in control. He is the master of all things, in him they seek and find comfort. God knows things that humans don't have any concept of, and he is still in the miracle business. Patients may find reassurance by knowing that they are on many churches prayer lists. Finding solace in knowing people are praying for their recovery. In their mind they think they still have a chance to beat it, spirits are still high, trying to keep a positive outlook on life.

On numerous occasions visitors feel like they were the ones that received the blessing even though they wanted to uplift the patient. Days pass by and as the individual weakens from the disease decisions have to be made. Funeral arrangements are made, the musicians have been contacted, and the speaker has been notified. Now they can rest assured that the family will be able to draw comfort in the fact that they didn't have to make the arrangements in their time of grief. The days get longer, and they get weaker, the family has to be called in.
My experience with this is very personal I lost my Mother to the dreaded disease. The goodbyes were said, and with the eyes closed, peace filled her soul, no more pain and suffering, her sanctuary was found.

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