by Christina Pomoni

Created on: September 02, 2008   Last Updated: February 04, 2009

Many men and women in an effort to create a sense of mystery, unfamiliarity, and the excitement of the chase end up playing hard-to-get so that the other person thinks they are not interested, gets tired, gives up and moves on.

People play hard-to-get for many reasons but usually the whole point of playing hard-to- get is to reveal a personal value that cannot be easily reached. By being too unavailable and hard to please, people, who play hard-to-get, create a sense of outstanding and unexpected exclusiveness that intrigues the other person.

To create this exclusiveness, first of all, you need to be aware of personal value and having total control of what you're doing. For example, imagine you are at a bar having a drink and looking around. It's been quite sometime that a woman stares at you, pretty intensively, but you pretend you haven't noticed. In fact, you have seen that woman before, there, at the same place, around the same time. You keep on drinking rather indifferent, but you are intrigued. You like the girl and you are flattered, but you are a hot shot, one of those luxurious brands that cannot be offered to any consumer. Therefore, you convey an image of superior quality by being sure of your qualities, but also your needs. But you don't need to look arrogant.

There are cases of people, who have been brought up in authoritative families and have developed a blatant arrogance to hide their inner weaknesses. It is hard for these people to engage in the hard-to-get game if there are not aware of what they're doing. They don't open themselves nor do they talk too much. They are pleasant, and polite, they stay as long as the game goes on, they imply touching, but they don't touch. All this, makes them feel important, significant, and controlling to the extent that the other person keeps the fire burning.

When playing hard-to-get, self-awareness about own sexual imprint is the key to success. Knowing what you're doing, why you behave the way you behave and so on allows you to make the right decisions and maintain balance and self-control. If someone is going to come after you, they would like to know that you are worth the chase. There is no bigger off-ramp for both men and women than someone who is conventional, not much of a challenge, controlling, anxious or too eager to please, fatally negative and blatantly boring. The chaser must feel you are worth the time and the energy.

Playing hard to get can be the greatest form of seduction there is because it turns on people. Moreover, it may be an effective way for someone to show off valuable, high-quality standards. Our dating behavior echoes the class of social price we have decided for ourselves. If our personal standards are set high, we have obviously put a high price on ourselves, which entails we have a lot to offer as a potential mate.

Dating needs spice and chase; needs no guarantees; needs high adrenaline and insecurity; needs strategy and control. After all, dating is a game, isn't it?

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