by Diana Peyton

Created on: September 02, 2008   Last Updated: September 03, 2008

Imagine yourself in a locked closet stuffed with smelly dirty socks and a noisy group of people eating limburger cheese. If this imagery doesn't make you wince, you are an authentic, "Cubie": a cubicle worker. Noise, odors and the inability to escape from them are just a few of the many invasions of senses and space one faces working in an office.

Many people are hostage to neighbors of every kind of human experiment due to the placement of their work cubicle. But before you make a decision to join the ranks of "Cubies" who populate the office checkerboard, the following 10 points may bring hope for surviving the cubicle.

1. People cordoned together all day in small spaces behave similarly to those cooped up in prison cells. Office environments are a Petri dish for unhealthy alliances and office snitches.

2. Never, slam the phone down so hard that those in the immediate cubicles bounce out of their seats from the air pressure of the handset hitting the base.

3. Do not presume you are the office sweetheart because you bring donuts and put them in alphabetical order by flavor. Many of your fellow "Cubies" know the alphabet and want to dig through the donuts on their own.

4. "Who took my..." is a bad way to start a sentence when you have misplaced your stapler, favorite pen, or scissors. Try to take responsibility for missing items while your eyes discreetly scan adjoining cubicles for evidence.

5. Get the squeaks out of your chair. People who work around you could be experiencing cramps or headaches and you are becoming their arch enemy with every new creak.

6. If it doesn't pertain to you and your job, stay out of it. Though you may hear many conversations that tempt you to participate, don't prove your lack of knowledge and expose ignorance by chiming in on a conversation in which you are not personally addressed.

7. Leave the smelly lunch at home. If you are on a budget, bring fruit and look forward to the cabbage rolls when you get home. People remember who eats the smelly lunches.

8. Decorate discreetly. Every personal item is likely to be scrutinized by the one person in the office most critical of your work. Those who are jealous of your ability to make your cube comfortable can deflate everyone else's appreciation for your creativity.

9. Don't offer to do extra work just to keep busy. You will become the office workhorse. Do your own work with as much excellence as you can muster. Your job takes the eight hours assigned each day, that's the reason for your hire, to do your own job.

10. There will always be an office kiss-up. Be prepared to see them get away with every conceivable indiscretion while you simultaneously work your fingers to the bone. This is the way of the cubicle world. It never changes so don't mess with it just do your best.

Lastly, be sure you want this job with all of its stresses. You will get fat, unhappy, crabby with your family and enmeshed with the other "prisoners" if you don't get out as soon as you realize you are going stir crazy in your cube.

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