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Do we ever heal? Do we really just need to "get over it?" How can we go on?

When we lose someone we love, not only do we lose part of ourselves, but we also retain part of our loved one. By discovering the gifts that we've been given by our spouse, we can find that we are stronger than we ever dared to believe.

Only one year ago, I lost my husband. He was a wonderful man, gentle and strong, humble and brilliant. If ever anyone were to question the possibility of soul-mates, there would be no question after knowing the two of us. We were friends for seven years before we took our vows, and spent seven years as a couple. When he passed, I recognized that part of me was gone. I could feel it. Physically, I looked the same, but that was the illusion that only a few could see through.

After suffering all the insanity that comes with losing a spouse, I have found a great measure of peace, a gift, and this comes in the feeling of wholeness. I believe that he has left me with his strengths. Discovering this new self has helped sooth the wound of loss. While I'll not be pretending that I'm completely 'healed' of my loss, knowing that there is genuine hope for healing has enabled me to move forward.

While healing is possible, there is no "getting over it." There is a different person here today than there might have been had he lived. This is a simple and acceptable fact that many do not understand. We all evolve, grow, and change throughout our lives and when one looses his/her mate, it becomes a factor in the fabric of our lives.

Communicating this to family and especially children, can help them to understand that we are not going to go back and be our "old selves." We may fake it, we may actually pretend well enough to fool ourselves, but to go back, unchanged and untouched, is impossible. For me, trying to "get over it" caused more pain than embracing the new self that is emerging. It may be difficult for those around us to acknowledge that they, too, have been impacted by the loss, but as they see us go through our soulful growth-spurts, they will be able to more freely express how they have changed, too. There is a healing in this for everyone!

Moving forward, one step at a time, is a difficult challenge, especially at first. The wonderful knowledge that it is not only possible to go on, but that the path will brighten as each hurdle passes, is empowering. This, too, is how we can discover all the different gifts given to us by those that we have loved.

Learn more about this author, Maverickmuse.
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