by Russell Roper

Created on: September 01, 2008

How many people actually think about, or even pay attention to, the spoken vows of their wedding day? "To love, honor, and cherish until death do we part" is not merely a suggestion or rule, it is an acknowledgement of your spouse as a valuable part of your new life.

If you stop to think about this topic a moment you come to realize that being a good husband actually begins before you ever get married. While dating, men often demonstrate the same tendencies and personalities they will have as husband. These can change, for good or bad, depending on the woman they are with.

This is marriage number 3 for me and I have learned a few things in that time. The first thing is that if you are not totally compatible with the woman you marry the marriage is doomed from the beginning. It is very difficult to be a good husband when you feel unappreciated, ignored, and feel you lack worth. However you need to remember these feelings can go both ways.

When I met my present wife I found my "Soul Mate," but there were a few things I had to do to keep her. Some of those things include learning about her. If you do not know your spouse your ability to communicate is drastically impaired. This leads us to my first point Communication.

In order for any relationship to work the channels of communication must be open. I am not talking about arguing, but the ability to openly talk out any issues you may have. Believe it or not, my wife and I have never had an argument. We have disagreed, but do not yell or argue we simply present our side of the issue in an adult manner and consider both sides.

This brings up the next point respect. Your spouse is your partner, equal, and should also be considered a viable part of your own existence. After all, the woman you have chosen to make your wife is just that your wife. She is not your waiter or servant. While she may occasionally get you a cold drink or sandwich it should not be because it is demanded of her. I have found in our 12 years together that mutual respect makes for a pleasant, loving marriage.

All people, generally, need to have their existence acknowledged and this applies especially to your spouse. She not only needs to feel loved, she must feel appreciated and respected for her contributions to the marriage. This can be demonstrated through your actions, which are often more appreciated than mere words.

Yes, words are important, but actions give more weight to what your feeling and thinking. Statements like; "I love you," "Thank you,"

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