by Kari Trail

Created on: September 01, 2008

Is it truly possible that one second can last a lifetime? I think so, for in that second, I knew who I was. I had finally, after all these years, found myself. And there he was, sitting in front of me on one knee, asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. In that second, he stared into my eyes and I knew. All of the past that I had been running from, hiding from, was gone. It was just him and I on a planet all of our own. You see, I had been a lost soul. I had been in an abusive relationship in which I had totally lost myself. I no longer knew what I liked, who I was. All I knew was how to make him happy, if only for a short time. And here and now is a beautiful man before me asking me who I wanted to be. I knew this was coming for some time. I knew by all of the questions about what I liked and what I wanted out of life that somehow it would come to this. He wanted to know everything about me. So, I did what most people would do... I ran! Ok... so, I didn't actually run. I hid for a little while. I sat most of my nights in my recliner reflecting. I could remember before my ex... I knew that I liked certain things... but that was when I was in school. Things change as you become an adult and now I was a mother as well. How do you try to help your child find their way in life when you can't even tell them what your favorite food was? Color? I didn't know any of this. I could have given you HIS answers. I knew exactly what he would want me to say... but not something that I would like. I had absolutely NO IDEA! So, in that one blessed second before I answered him; I reflected. I looked back. I saw me happy. My reflections were not of my entire past; but of my past with him. This man that knelt before me with a worried expression on his face as though he thought that I would say no. I saw myself in his arms. Happy. And I truly believed in that split second that there would be answers to all of those questions in time. I knew that he would help me to find myself. He would stand by my side through everything as he had up until this moment. So, in a sense, I haven't found myself.. but I am working on it; with the man of my dreams by my side. And now, I can answer some of those questions and for the first time in my life... I realized that I am not as bad as I thought I was. I am not the devil reincarnate after all! I am just a woman, in love with a man. A mother to wonderful children. A daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a friend. And I love each and every individual that stood by my side through thick and thin and answered my questions as to who I am and what I like. Thanks everyone for standing by me... you truly are a gift from above!

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