How NOT to Date

By a show of hands, how many people have been approached by a member of the opposite sex who not so subtly drops the hint they want to marry you - before ever asking you out on a date? By more than one person? Among you, perhaps some of you have shared the instinct to run as fast as possible... To be honest, my initial reaction has usually been "what makes you think that I would want to MARRY you?" It may seem preposterous to downright presumptuous that I would share such a strong attraction with someone I do not know very well.

Unfortunately, that initial response may not always be the best one. Often running may cause the person to chase after you even harder, particularly if he or she is the kind who finds a "challenge" refreshing. We are often taught the best way to handle conflict is passive-aggressive avoidance, which seems like a very superficial and judgmental way to handle an opportunity to learn from entering into someone else's story.
By learning something about the impetus behind their actions, we may actually find that we are capable of doing exactly the same thing given the right circumstances in our own lives...

I think the first challenge when it comes to such a situation is a matter of acceptance. Can we accept their, perhaps, unorthodox approach to going after what they want? A big question for me is whether I am ready to believe that someone could accept me for who I am, flaws and all, without knowing me. Instead of projecting my fears on them and assuming they cannot because I do not, maybe there really is some validity to that kind of passion and commitment. Certainly I will never be able to accept their flaws, even once I do come to know them better, if I cannot accept the flaws I see in myself.

In such a bold declaration, the person on the other side of it is posing to us a challenge to accept him as he is ready to accept us. If we are afraid, maybe the real fear is in not believing I will be able to meet that challenge. Maybe we also face fears of embracing our own real feelings as freely as these people seem so unashamed of doing, whether they face rejection or not!

Certainly such situations, concerning someone with such intense passion, come with their own unique dangers, but honest realization of the potential hazards and how to handle them if they arise. If we prepare ourselves to examine the situation, and our own role in it, objectively, turning to face it and engaging the possibility, may be more manageable than initially thought.

Learn more about this author, Sylvia Woodham.
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