Dating seems to be an idea rather than a reality in recent years. This is what has happened to today's dating scene since the introduction of the Internet. Dating before the Internet people would meet face to face and that is when they would learn about one another. Now people meet in chat rooms, through Internet dating sites and other electronic advances. The magic of dating has given away to finding a fantasy to suit the needs of any person who sits in front of a monitor.
Early during the boom of the Internet, I dated a man who I considered a wonderful caring person. He and I shared many of the same likes and dislikes, enjoyed the same music and we enjoyed our views of living life to its fullest. Our relationship lasted five years before he decided to start chatting on line. He was not just chatting harmlessly as he professed repeatedly. He started real relationships with women from all over the country. Some people do not believe in or understand emotional cheating. In my experience emotional cheating and trying to compete with a fantasy is the worst type of cheating. When a person cheats emotionally there is no way to forgive or get over or measure up to a created fantacy.
In the beginning he would tell me I had nothing to worry about, his banter on line was all in fun. Then the calls started coming from strange women at all hours of the day and night. He explained that he was enjoying the attention he could never have with other women face to face. He was not handsome in a way that would turn a woman's head, and he had always been shy. The attention he was getting from these women was intoxicating to him. He held an unknown person high on a pedestal for no reason other than she paid attention to him.
After many arguments, he realized he was hurting our relationship and promised he would no longer go on line to seek women to boost his ego. We went as far as to disconnect Internet service so he would not be tempted to go on line. His addictive personality had already taken over and the idea that other women would find him attractive was too much of a draw to keep him from having contact with some of the women he met on line.
Before he started chatting on line, we had a very honest loving relationship. Even after the Internet was disconnected, I could feel distance between us. Since I worked a lot of hours, and from three in the afternoon until one in the morning I thought it was because of my working hours. I changed my hours to make sure our relationship stayed healthy and happy. That was the end of our relationship.
My boyfriend had not only reconnected the Internet without my knowledge, he was talking to women from all over the country while I worked the late hours at night. I tried to understand why he was so attracted to these women he had never met. I continually told him he was in love with a fantasy. I fought hard to keep the relationship he seemed to want to throw away so eagerly. Finally, after months of arguing and fighting the relationship was over. I could never understand how or why someone would rather be in love with a fantasy he or she met on line instead of a real relationship we struggled hard to keep healthy for so long.
Years later, I met him by chance in a store. Yes, he had finally met one of his fantasies. They had a very short relationship that caused him to move out of state and give up a very good job. He explained the relationship lasted two months. He tried to have a few other relationships with women he met on line and none of them panned out. He wanted me to try to have to a relationship again. All I could do is laugh. I was not good enough in a real relationship, I could never measure up to his fantasies before, and I was not going to try to start now. I never wanted to be put on a pedestal. I just wanted to trust my partner. On line dating or on line chat rooms is slowly killing the ability to trust a person to be completely true and honest. Let's face it. Having a relationship with a fantasy beats the everyday drudgery of real life.