by Lorelei Cohen

Created on: September 01, 2008

I am just not a morning person and I have absolutely no ability to be a nice person until at least one in the afternoon rolls around. I can stumble out of bed at five a.m. or I can stumble out around ten a.m. but I just do not become a real person until around one in the afternoon no matter what time my eyes appear to be open. I am what some polite individuals would refer to as surly if I am forced to function before I am fully awake. Actually it would be much more appropriate to say that I am down and out right nasty mean if you wind up in my line of vision before I am fully awake. I snarl, I curse and I have occasionally even been known to bite, I am just not a morning person.

I wake up in some strange form of brain fog that has me incapable of human thought patterns. The only thing that seems to dissipate this fog is a number of cups of hot black coffee and the passing of time. Until it lifts I consider myself innocent of all acts that might incur while I am under its dark influences.

The cat understands this and actually seems to be under the same mode of thinking as myself. I roll out of the bed each morning stretching, yawning and scratching and she jumps off her spot on my dresser to head for the computer. I click the computer on as I pass it on my way to put on the coffee. The cat will by now have her furry little bottom firmly planted on the mouse pad and be busy insuring that the computer performs as it is supposed to. I stare at the black coffee as drip by drip it fills the pot, as soon as there is a sufficient enough to have one cup without it knocking me off my feet, I steal one. Then back I go to the computer with a piping hot cup of coffee and that is exactly where Kitty and I remain until the brain fog lifts. This is my morning routine, it occurs every morning without fail, the cat has it memorized in her wee little kitty mind and would be shocked if it ever differed. We both think that this morning behavior is perfectly normal.

Now this is the point in my story and in my world where things start to go horribly wrong. For some unknown and never to be understood reason I agree to give in to my long term boyfriends desire that he and I become domiciled together. I discover the day after I move in that he is a morning person! He wakes at four a.m. each morning.

"FOUR A.M.! What kind of a lunatic wakes up at four a.m.?"

Not only does he wake up at four a.m. each and every morning, but he also expects me to wake up at four a.m. Worse yet, he thinks that

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