Several months ago, the local newspaper ran an article about the work of the funeral home I own. Not long after the article appeared, I had a phone call from a gentleman in his 50's who was diagnosed with cancer and had made the decision to begin hospice care. He wanted to pre-arrange his funeral.
George (not his real name)and his wife came in to the funeral home where we spent an hour or so simply visiting about his wishes: did he want a traditional burial? Cremation? What cemetery? and the like. We discussed prices and a George tentatively selected a casket. A couple of days later, he called me asking if I would mind if he order a casket he found on line. I certainly encourage people to do what they wish regarding merchandise. He wanted me to call the company and get a price with shipping and handling and an approximation of the amount of time it would take to arrive in Minnesota once we called in the order.
That casket has been in my selection area for weeks and George's cancer has gradually worsened. He called me one day to "check in" and I assured him that all was well and that we will take care of everything when the time came. He said this was reassuring and offered to pay me "something" for having the casket "just sitting around all this time." I thanked him for his generosity, but assured him that having the casket here was no problem.
George loved life, he told me. He was not anxious to die, nor was he frightened of death. His cancer had created many limitations for him and he believed also a great burden for his wife and family. He accepted the reality that there were no more treatments and he wanted to die peacefully. George did not want his wife to remember him crying out in pain, or begging to die. He hoped that he would be able to say his good-byes to family and friends, and then "go into myself" where he could be closer to God and to prepare for his journey to the next world.
I was awakened at 4:15 this morning by George's wife telling me that his journey had come to an end and that he had just died peacefully. Most of what George wanted to accomplish and the memories he wanted to leave behind had become realities. As I was caring for his body (and believing his spirit to be somewhere nearby) I told him I was going to use his story as an illustration for this article. Hopefully, he smiled out there in that next world.
How glorious it would be if we could all have this strength and determination. When life becomes too hard, some of us would rather die that continue to uphill struggle for peace and happiness. Some people are simply not able to believe enough in themselves to continue difficult lives. Serious and debilitating injuries that impact relationships, self image, social opportunities, and the like may precipitate thoughts of death.
Reading the lives of the saints offers a different perspective on death, wanting to die, and why. Many of the saints grew so close to God that they longed to be in God's eternal presence. They had followed the commandments, offered their lives for the people of God, sacrificed much and prayed to enter eternity with God. We don't read many stories of saintly women and men who fought death. So great were their beliefs in God's loving embrace that they died willingly and at peace.
There are also stories of martyrs for the faith. These individuals offered their lives rather than deny God. I believe that many of them truly wanted to make the ultimate sacrifice and offer their lives. Their deaths were not peaceful and most that I recall were excruciatingly painful (thrown to lions, burned at the stake, starved, stoned, and so on).
I'm about to celebrate by 59th birthday and I don't want to die; not yet. I'm not particularly fearful of death; being a funeral director has been a huge part of surmounting that stumbling block to death. I pray that I will know when the time is right to die. What will bring that time about for me? I'm not entirely certain. I, like many, do not want to linger with a disease from which I will not recover some quality of life. I would rather die than be unable to engage others and the environment "vegetative state." I have loved life and I pray to live as long as I am able to do some good with and for others, and to manifest the presence of the Christ to the world.
Most of us cannot articulate the reasons for wanting to die. That is understandable. We don't like the unknown and no one has ever reported on the next world. Yet, some are able to transcend the unknown through the hope faith has given them of everlasting life.
As the good Sisters often responded to our questions in Sunday School, "that's a mystery, my child....a mystery."