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Reflections: Wanting to die and why

by Claudia Windal

Created on: September 01, 2008

Several months ago, the local newspaper ran an article about the work of the funeral home I own. Not long after the article appeared, I had a phone call from a gentleman in his 50's who was diagnosed with cancer and had made the decision to begin hospice care. He wanted to pre-arrange his funeral.

George (not his real name)and his wife came in to the funeral home where we spent an hour or so simply visiting about his wishes: did he want a traditional burial? Cremation? What cemetery? and the like. We discussed prices and a George tentatively selected a casket. A couple of days later, he called me asking if I would mind if he order a casket he found on line. I certainly encourage people to do what they wish regarding merchandise. He wanted me to call the company and get a price with shipping and handling and an approximation of the amount of time it would take to arrive in Minnesota once we called in the order.

That casket has been in my selection area for weeks and George's cancer has gradually worsened. He called me one day to "check in" and I assured him that all was well and that we will take care of everything when the time came. He said this was reassuring and offered to pay me "something" for having the casket "just sitting around all this time." I thanked him for his generosity, but assured him that having the casket here was no problem.

George loved life, he told me. He was not anxious to die, nor was he frightened of death. His cancer had created many limitations for him and he believed also a great burden for his wife and family. He accepted the reality that there were no more treatments and he wanted to die peacefully. George did not want his wife to remember him crying out in pain, or begging to die. He hoped that he would be able to say his good-byes to family and friends, and then "go into myself" where he could be closer to God and to prepare for his journey to the next world.

I was awakened at 4:15 this morning by George's wife telling me that his journey had come to an end and that he had just died peacefully. Most of what George wanted to accomplish and the memories he wanted to leave behind had become realities. As I was caring for his body (and believing his spirit to be somewhere nearby) I told him I was going to use his story as an illustration for this article. Hopefully, he smiled out there in that next world.

How glorious it would be if we could all have this strength and determination. When life becomes too hard, some of us would rather

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