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"Are you a bad driver, Dad?" Sally asked me one evening as we watched TV footage of a car that had landed in someone's swimming pool.
"Not on your life!" I instantly replied. "I've only had a dozen or so accidents in 30 years of driving. By my reckoning, I call that a pretty good record."
"Really, George?" my wife intervened to disabuse me, "I know how you drive. And so do many other drivers."

"Sarah, we ignore the lies of witnesses and the antiquated rulings passed down by prejudicial judges who still believe speeds faster than 20 miles per hour will render the driver unconscious," I said defensively.
Immediately I said this I realized I had been baited and trapped.
Sally came and sat next to me. "I feel much better knowing my dad is such a good driving instructor."
"Hold on," I protested, "your mother has been teaching you for months. What's the problem?"
"No problem, George," Sarah began. "It's just that Sally's driving test is coming up and it's a good idea if she receives advice and instruction from someone with more driving mileage under their belt than me."
"OK," I said to Sally next morning as I stepped into the driver's seat. "What do you want me to show you first?"
"Just drive normally, Dad, and I'll watch what you do."
"That sounds good to me," I said, happy in the belief that I was to be left alone.
I started the engine and began to reverse the car out of the driveway when Sally said almost parrot fashion, "Shouldn't you adjust your seat, fasten your seat belt, check the positions of the mirrors and release the handbrake before starting the engine?"
I stopped the car.
"Mere details," I replied. "The seat is just where it was yesterday, the mirrors are loose and tilt every which way when I drive, air bags will protect me in case of an accident and the handbrake was not on to begin with."
I continued to reverse, but noticing her annoyance, I pulled the seat belt around my waist with one hand and tried to click it into position whilst skilfully reversing and holding the steering wheel with my other hand.
I made a flawless U turn and headed for the freeway. Sally was shaking her head.
"What now?" I asked with all innocence.
"You didn't indicate your intention to turn," she lectured me.
To defend myself I queried philosophically, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"If there is no car behind or in front of me to see my car's indicator, why use it?"

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