by j. staffeld

Created on: September 01, 2008

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." - Henry Louis Mencken

Romance, like so many things in this world, can follow a symptomatic set of stages that one must descends from one to the next in order to complete nature's grand opus: Love.

It should be noted that not all couples are exactly alike and thus will move through these stages at a pace completely unique to themselves. Sometimes, if not usually, on separate paces even within their relationship.

DENIAL
Plato once said that "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet". This clever reflection echoes the idyllic nature of young lovers beginning that blissful dance into new and magical realms. Such fantastic emotional playgrounds are not too dissimilar from the warming bliss an alcoholic discovers amidst a devilish binge or even the quick defense flung forth from one unable to come to terms with reality, favoring Elysian fantasy above all else.

In the beginning, Love can hide all class boundaries of wealth and status (despite evidence that the majority of people marry within only their own class), it ignores faults (which in good time will seek to wither a relationship from inside-out), and allows us to deny certain desires. All of these will come up again in a later stage, however, with the fog of infatuation lifted.

ANGER
What inevitably must follow when denial is realized is of course a fit of anger. All forms of innocence lost tend to usher in a moment of heated rage; a form of frenzied backlash against the falling of the curtain that once stayed raised above a stage of our fantasies. Some call this the end of "The Honeymoon Period" as this marks the beginning to a far more honest and less congenial moment in the relationship.

BARGAINING
If the Anger stage does not slay the romance completely most couples move into a stage of bargaining. Here they have discovered that their significant others do indeed possess a dark side. The Anger stage has frightened them with memories of erupting ire and bistered wrath that they begin to appease the demon at the other side of the bed with gifts of favor and promises that they would not have ever thought to have made at any earlier stage.

DEPRESSION
How is it that something so blissful as love can bring with it a shadow of darkest depression? To men this becomes the moment of realization that the promises made in the Bargaining Stage have paved the way towards their impending doom in a single man's world. No moment is more traumatic to the psyche of a man than the moment when he must realize that the woman that lay before him will be the only woman that shall from now until the end of days. Women also mourn the passing of singularity, for this marks the beginning of the end to her triumphant march into the halls of independence. What lies ahead for most women involves a shattering into multiple versions of themselves in order to be the ultimate mother and wife.

ACCEPTANCE
Accepting who you are now - part of a team, part of a family, part of an extended family including some of the most insane individuals you have ever met - this is now all that you are. You must accept that weekends will never again be spent debaucherously with the guys... you are a father now - a role model. You must accept that you are the loving wife of this lump on the couch and there is no changing him. Sure, you may fight that fact most of your life but in the end you will only realize defeat. You are in love and this is your consolation.

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