by Jed Eane

Created on: August 31, 2008   Last Updated: September 13, 2008

Playing hard to get is not easy. It requires skill, patience, and determination. And if you're totally in love with someone, then most often you'll be so blinded by your feelings that you'll be unable to achieve the desired results. Because to play hard to get well, you have to be able to recognize all the little nuances that occur when two people are in a relationship. You've also got to be able to read in-between the lines and know what every one of your lover's actions means, however insignificant something he or she does may seem (in fact, never regard anything that your lover does or says as insignificant if you want to win in the game of playing hard to get!). You'll also have to be able to interpret the secret code your lover uses (the one he or she uses without realizing that they're using it), and then use that knowledge to your best advantage.

Playing hard to get works on the premise that we humans always want what we can't have. Ironically, playing hard to get comes easiest to those who aren't in love. But then that's not really playing hard to get - that's just not caring how someone feels about you. Most of us play hard to get when we want someone's attention. And whether that attention is in the form of an offer of a date, or a marriage proposal, the process is usually the same. It uses a form of "reverse psychology," based, as I say, on the assumption that we want most what we can't have. So you act as though you don't care how someone feels about you, giving them the impression that because you don't care for them you're out of their reach, and that someone, sensing your indifference and unavailability, becomes immediately interested because he or she wants you. And while you've got to act as though you don't care whether someone comes up with the goods or not, you've also got to do it in such a way as to give the impression that if that person does produce what it is they believe you want (and "win" you as a result), then their life will be infinitely richer. You have to make them believe that they can't live without you - but if that seems a little too tall an order, then you can settle for making them believe that should they manage to get a "yes" response from you, then they're truly a winner.

As you can see, playing hard to get is an art form. It's best left to the professionals; because if you try and fail - and especially if there's a lot riding on it - you'll be left to nurse some rather nasty wounds for quite a long time.

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