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down' phase of tension and aggression. This is the time that promises will be made and even the time of greater intimacy. It is your hope and dream that violence will not occur again, but statistics prove it will. Prepare just in case, even if you can't convince yourself that more danger will come. If you prepare and it doesn't happen again, fine. If you prepare and it does happen, you increase your chances of getting yourself and your children out of harm's way.

In crisis, accept the help of domestic violence response personnel. Follow their recommendations. These may be policemen, crisis line staff, paramedics, social workers, domestic violence advocates and shelter personnel. Some of their suggestions will seem scary, but remember that a great deal of domestic violence is psychological and emotional. Advice to leave may seem counter-intuitive because your abuser has brainwashed' you into staying with long periods of control and possibly even threats to harm you more if you leave. Surround yourself with the support network that is already in place and take time to add neighbors, friends, family members and individuals such as counselors and advocates when violence has subsided temporarily.
Finally, do not believe that things will get better because imminent danger has passed. This is only a lull in the cycle of violence. Take advantage of it by preparing for the next episode. Over the long haul, prepare for how you and your children can live independently of your abuser. Begin to train for a better job or get a job. Save money for rent deposits, gather references and learn whatever skills your abuser has taken away from you in order to isolate and control you. Find out about bank accounts, how to open them, how to budget and write checks. Apply for credit in your own name. Acquaint yourself with public transportation and build a work wardrobe if you don't have one. Make a resume. Learn about job hunting and interviewing. Join a support group. Shelters for women often open their doors to non-residents for support and counseling. It can be a tedious and long process to gain independence, but thousands of women have done it. Surviving in a domestic combat zone requires planning and intelligence. Use those to get yourself and your children to safety.

Learn more about this author, Marie Monroe.
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