by Laura Leigh Fields

Created on: August 31, 2008

I am a cutter. There, I said it. I have always heard that admittance is half the battle. Although I must admit I don't really feel any better. I turn to cutting for many reasons yet sometimes I don't really understand why.

Over the years many counselors have analyzed me. I have read many articles and books on the subject. It is interesting to hear and read all the theories people make up on this subject. There is nothing worse than someone that has never been in the situation trying to tell me why I feel the way that I do. That just makes me feel worse and want to cut more.

First of all, cutting isn't always about suicide. Depression can make you wish you were dead. I have even attempted suicide a few times but when I cut myself it isn't always because I want to die. In fact, there are many cutters who don't want to die.

Cutting relieves stress, tension, and anger. It seems ironic that causing physical pain to one's self can make them feel better but it does. Many cutters would rather hurt his or self rather than someone else. Once I have cut myself several times, I walk away thinking clearer.

In most cases they might even accept the blame when it isn't their cross to bear. Cutting is a form of punishment. People who cut themselves think they deserve it. They sometimes feel so lonely or worthless that they don't even like the person that they do.

Cutters sometimes use these self-injury methods to get back at others. They may not always feel like that person will care but deep down they have the upper hand. It is a way of gaining control. It is a way of coping and feeling like they have won the battle.

People who resort to cutting themselves don't always have proper ways of dealing with frustration. They don't know how to find other outlets. Even doctors and therapists don't always help. They don't cut because they haven't explored options. They do it because they think they are out of options.

Cutting becomes an addiction. It is a habit that we can't break. This is especially difficult when the cutter lacks impulse control. If things go wrong, we want to cut. It is the method we have always used. It is something that we can find comfort in. It is a way to revert the pain from one aspect to another (emotional or mental to physical).

Cutting is a silent cry for help. I don't point out my injuries. In fact, I wear long-sleeved shirts in the summertime. Deep down, I wonder why no one asks why I wear a sweater when it is one hundred degrees out. Talk is cheap. People say

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