by Mo Siddiq

Created on: August 31, 2008   Last Updated: December 01, 2010

Before one can be the recipient of another person's attraction, he or she must be the recipient of her own. Why should the person across the table spend her time, something she will never get back, with you? For one reason: you are an interesting, unique human being spending time with whom is a special experience. You must believe that. That is self-confidence and, contrary to common belief, everybody can build it.

Foundation-
The first step to building good self-esteem is figuring out what qualities and interests you value and then incorporating them into your life. Try to attain a positive self-image by viewing simple things differently. For example, work hard at your job and instead of feeling tired and sorry for yourself, look at the mirror and appreciate yourself for doing the right thing. If you are unhappy with your appearance, fix it. Not all of us can be Brad Pitt, but everybody can improve in their own terms. Go work-out at the gym or go on nightly runs so you feel better. Lead a healthy lifestyle, if only to add breaths to the life you'll never get back. Do away with habits that make you feel worthless, whether it be spending hours in front of the TV or buying every well-advertised product.

Addition:
For your time to be valuable, it has to have value in your own eyes. Therefore, you have to fill it with the things you love doing, regardless of how others perceive them. If you've always wanted to learn how to play Mozart's pieces or swing-dance, go out and take lessons. If you're bad, so what? People rarely ever judge as critically as one thinks. Besides, having a drive for self-improvement is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. Not only will this make you feel more productive, it will put you in a different league from all those who have given up their individual interests to fit in. And during dates, you will actually have something unique to talk about.

Practice:
Make friends, with the sole intent of friendship, with the opposite sex and get comfortable hanging out. If this is nerve-racking, start in mixed groups it can be with co-workers or people you know from the community. While spending time with them, be active. Aside from sharing your own ideas, experiences, and opinions, pay attention to etiquette, conversation dynamics, and popular topics. Furthermore, figure out who the most charismatic person in your group is and emulate them. You will notice yourself putting in your own unique touches soon enough. Keep yourself well-groomed and presentable as this is much more important than showing off Armani jeans or covering yourself with Calvin Klein colognes.

Play:
This is the last step and perhaps the plateau many have stopped at. Go out and play. Ask people out and don't worry about escalating a situation into something more than a date. Get to know people and pay attention to what they say. Keep in touch with the ones that interest you, as friends if nothing else. Don't freeze yourself by thinking of "a date" as anything more than two people looking for interesting conversation if you're looking for just sex, go to Amsterdam , if she is, ditch her. During conversations, indirectly present attractive qualities about yourself and be sure to do the same with her. Being condescending, either to her or yourself, is a deadly mistake. Be selective and until you find someone who is perfect for you, keep playing.

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