by Kathy Stemke

Created on: August 30, 2008

When young children receive immediate positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior, they are more likely to repeat that behavior. Positive reinforcement is "catching" a kid doing something you want them to do and rewarding it. This is an effective way to shape a child's conduct, communication skills, and attitude. Children naturally want to earn and keep your approval.

A recent study dramatically reinforced this teaching approach. A research group at the University of Rochester conducted a three-year study funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They interviewed 278 mothers of 3-year-olds and observed mothers and children playing and working together. The women and children represented all socio-economic groups.

They found that the children of parents, who were negative and controlling, verbally and physically, were "situationally" compliant. This means as soon as the parent became distracted, the child reverted to inappropriate behavior because they had not learned the correct skills. By contrast, the children of parents who use gentle guidance or positive reinforcement showed "committed compliance," which means they understood and used the correct behavior, even when their parents were not monitoring them.

Positive Reinforcement works because it gives children positive goals to work towards instead of only focusing on negative consequences to avoid. Positive reinforcement fulfills strong basic psychological needs of every child as well as setting a more positive and healthy tone for the caregiver-child relationship. Some parents find it helpful to display a note where they can see it often, reminding them to look for appropriate behavior in their children. The note might read, "notice the positive" or "catch'em doing good."

Use Verbal Praise

Always praise the behavior, not the person. Praises like good girl or good boy risk misinterpretation. If a child exhibits inappropriate behavior, they may think that they are a bad person. It's better to praise the behavior by saying, "You did a great job cleaning your room, son."

Praise Genuinely

Complimenting a child's behavior can lose its punch if you praise usual, expected behavior or if you praise too much. Don't over do it. You may want to keep a mental note of the number of times you are using praise in a day. Use eye and body contact during your delivery to reinforce your sincerity. A child can tell when you're faking it.

Use a Variety of Ways to Praise

To keep a child's attention, change the delivery

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