by Currie Jean

Created on: August 29, 2008   Last Updated: September 04, 2008

Playing hard-to-get is a game that may seem unappealing at first glance: when done intentionally, it can feel a little dishonest, as well as intimidating. However, a certain amount of hard-to-get play is perfectly healthy since, if couples didn't play it with one another, the world would be full of desperately attached, naive, and bitter people.

After all, most of us desperately want to be known and loved deep down, but if we went around telling all of our acquaintances so and expecting love and tenderness on the first date, second dates would be a myth. That kind of thing scares people away, and that's how hard-to-get comes in handy.

If you're playing hard-to-get, you're deliberately manipulating your relationship with someone else, be it a one-night stand, casual dating, or a serious relationship - and that's okay. Hard-to-get can be played quite harmlessly. If you're truly interested in the person with whom you're playing hard-to-get, note that you're also playing the game with yourself: you're keeping the other person interested by stringing him along, and at the same time, you're stringing yourself along, effectively keeping up your own interest.

In that light, it sounds like tantalizing fun - especially in the first phase of dating, in which only a casual date or two has taken place, and no one's deeper feelings are likely to be on the line, with no hearts likely to break. The start of a relationship is commonly known as the "lust" phase, after all, and barely anything is as fun to play with as lust.

Playing hard-to-get requires a careful balance. You want to look interested but unavailable, in-demand but open to more. You're a victim of your popularity - it's not your fault you can't quite make the date that day, and you really wish you could. How about some time next week?

It's easy to make mistakes, playing this game. Try not to make the person you're stringing along feel rejected or unwanted, because unless she's really desperate, she'll likely just look elsewhere to spare herself the aggravation. Always finish a "no" with an opening for a later "yes," and don't string her along too much - you really should go on that date eventually. Never just say, "Sorry, I can't." That's rejection.

And then, there's the phone. Don't wait by it. Don't always answer it - there's nothing wrong with screening your calls, as it can help your knowledge of your dating situation, enabling you to make suitable moves.

Don't make up stories, and make sure you don't lie - getting

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