by L. Merlino

Created on: August 29, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Many of us are in love with the idea of love itself - for some, it is "love at first sight" more likely "love at first idea!" In the dating game, it's important to distinguish between the idea and the reality before crushing head over heels on someone. Of course, love is much more than a fancy - it is something that must be put into action.

Ideas are abstractions, notions, and even inspirations, but they don't always make way for reality - such is the way of romantic attractions which often don't survive the dating stage.

It is said that women are attracted to "image" far more than men. The image may be that of being in love itself but often public stature, status, and a certain "je nes se qua" - the personification or impersonation of an ideal - is the attracting factor. While many guys are content seeking a warm body to cozy up with, a lady may have more of an eye towards his status in society - or if he can measure up to an idee fixe (obsession, or French for "fixed idea").

There's a bit of fetish involved in dating an idea. An idea can never equal a flesh-and-blood partner; mere mortals can never measure up to an ideal. Sooner or later, the veil is lifted or the pretense is dropped, and you discover that the object of your affection is as vulnerable with pants down as you are.

You'll both be in for a rude awakening.

A gal may have a whole stable of ideas grandly courting her attention - but if the ideal is what she's after, any guy will disappoint her after a while. She'd have better luck fishing for a warm body.

Knight in shining armor, adventurous rogue; working man's hero or lord; joker, professor, rebel or soldier - those are all uniforms that some of us fall for. They rarely represent the man behind the facade. They represent notions, yet people are far more complicated than persona.

In the eyes of many single gals, a man equals an image first and a potential date second. Usually, he needs to connect with some idea in her head before her heart skips a beat or she gives out her phone number. At first glance, it's rare that she would notice the man behind the props or trappings of an ideal.

Many girls fall for a "power suit," some for a "monkey suit;" some gals ignore the suit altogether and go for the monkey.

France's "first girlfriend" Carla Bruni's attraction to Nicolas Sarkozy may say it all ... time will tell. She's definitely a warm body, but what does she see in him? He's no Adonis - barely a "Cupid" - but she's reputedly head over heels with France's president! But they're already past the dating stage; they've married after a brief courtship at that.

It's not just his money, she's had her pick of wealthy and far handsomer guys - but he's obviously got something that even sex symbols Mick Jagger and Kevin Costner lacked.

The French have a certain way with these things of romance though ... after all, why didn't she stick with Donald Trump? Maybe Nicolas is better at "projecting" the idea that she's netted the biggest frog in the pond! Image - the lady killer.

Of course, there is a point when mature adults, no matter the initial attraction will decide to make a life-long commitment to a partner who may be merely flesh and blood after all. Often it happens when the procreative drive or biological clock kicks in - or plain old weariness with chasing after rainbows.

Many women seek to identify themselves through a relationship: rock-star's main squeeze, heiress in the making, Wendy to Peter Pan - the list goes on. A woman who is her own person can approach a relationship on its own terms and skip the romantic notions. Maybe Carla is such a person!

Personally, I'd have stuck with Mick Jagger, even if he's an old catch who's been thrown back into the pond many times.

Learn more about this author, L. Merlino.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.