by Yellow Rose

Created on: August 28, 2008

There is no contesting that trusting yourself in a relationship is essential. So, why do so many of us find it difficult to do? Why do fail at this over and over again? How can we correct this trend? Is there any hope for us?

We are all born social beings. From infancy, we seek the approval of our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, peers, teachers; et cetera. At each stage of our lives we strive to achieve social acceptance, belonging and recognition; we strive to conform to the generally acceptable ways of doing things in our generation. It is no surprise therefore that level of self confidence and self trust seem to be in perpetual flux!

Fast forward to adulthood - at this stage, we try to define who we are and what values will guide the way we live our lives. We choose which social groups to belong to and which to shun. We strive to know ourselves and appreciate our uniqueness, but our circumstances continually interfere with the actualization process. Even in our families, the pressure to conform can be quite overwhelming. However, no one chooses their family. With non-biological relationships though, we get to choose our friends and partners so one would expect that it would be easier to be true to ourselves and choose people who with whom we are compatible. But alas, we falter even more at having self trust when it comes to relationships outside our families.

It appears the need to belong is so strong that we compromise at different levels just to belong. Don't get me wrong: healthy compromise in the pursuit of the greater good is inevitable, but compromising who you are for acceptance from another human being is quite pathetic. In the end we loose sense of we you are and are resigned to 'a life less ordinary' or at best, we enjoy a short-lived spell of 'happiness'. Either way we all know that it just isn't worth it. Still there are those who tend to be overly self-centered in the bid not to lose themselves and that too is not without negative consequences.

A lot has to do with our formative years. Children who were encouraged to believe in their uniqueness and self worth are more likely to trust themselves in whatever situation they find themselves throughout life. Children who were always 'told' that they were second-best also play out that role as the move on in life

I can go on and on but let me conclude by reiterating the every relationship is give and take, but you can only receive what you give. So if you respect yourself, others will naturally respect you. If you do not respect yourself, you will remain a doormat for life. It's as simple as that - honestly.

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