by Gail Kerry

Created on: August 28, 2008   Last Updated: April 25, 2010

Playing hard to get is a very effective way of keeping your partner's interest at a maximum level as long as the interest is there to start with. The secret to successfully playing hard to get is to never cross the line into "not interested" territory.

The major difference can be summed up in an invitation for a date. A person who is not interested refuses without keeping a door open. "No thanks, I'm busy", would suffice. Contrary to this approach, a person who is playing hard to get will leave an opening, "I would love to but I have other plans this evening - how about a rain check?"

While allowing the pursuer to remain interested, the object of his/her affection keeps them at arm's length as each step of the relationship slowly progresses. Eventually, the two must spend time together or the interest will wane. It is important that the date be fun and memorable for both parties but the person who is playing hard to get must also ensure that the time spent together continues moving at a snail's pace. The two should have a meeting of the minds with regard to every other aspect of spending time together - except quick progression of the relationship.

As the relationship continues, don't always be home when the pursuer phones. Make sure that you are not always available for dates either. Plan in advance and line up outings with friends, family or business associates between dates. When asked, be vague about your plans - but always be honest.

Caution should be used here. One should never make the pursuer feel that there is another relationship in the works as that could immediately kill any desire to be with you. The best course of action is to maintain the illusion that you are extremely popular and very much in demand but don't let the other person feel threatened with a competing relationship. If directly asked, let him/her know that you are just going to the theater with a girlfriend, or going out for drinks with a co-worker, etc.

Never be vulgar or forward. Either of these will kill the illusion of "hard to get". A roving eye will also have a counter effect, indicating that you have so many other men/women in your life you are not very interested in this person. Sometimes it helps to leave the relationship in an ambiguous state, where your suitor is not sure that you are interested in friendship or romance. Keep them guessing.

The best example of playing hard to get comes to life with old reruns of the hit show, "Moonlighting", where Cybil Shepherd and Bruce Willis shared a growing sexual tension with the audience for over three years. Just remember that after the two stars finally consummated their relationship, interest in the show began to decline.

The moral here is that playing hard to get can become an attraction game and the game itself can become the object of affection. Don't play the game too long or you may lose in the end.

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