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apart. We both knew our relationship was unconventional. He was jealous, but kind. Instead of getting upset, he began to ask me questions.

At first, the questions were hard to answer. He wanted details about the night that I'd spent and, despite my apprehension, I answered him as honestly as I could. To my utter surprise, it became a kind of flirtation, a game between us. It turned out that when he distanced himself from jealousy, he was able to visualize me doing things and enjoy the images, without focusing on the other person. As I gave him details, I gave him the opportunity to connect with me by placing himself in the role of partner with me. I started to ask him similar questions about his experiences and found that, instead of being jealous, I was turned on. The key for us was using those experiences that we were unable to have together to create fantasies and bring out desires in each other that may have lain dormant.

We both became completely open and honest with each other. He dated and I dated. We met other people that we enjoyed keeping company with, but there was no substitute for what we had found in each other. We shared every detail. On the occasions we did get together, our bond was deeper and we found that we had truly transcended jealousy. We even had a few group encounters that turned out to be fun and exciting. When we were apart again, we were able to talk about them without the fear and insecurity that tends to crop up after experiences like that.

It has been 3 years since we met and we are happy and deeply in love. There is no doubt in my mind that the physical distance between us has strengthened our emotional bond with each other. It could have turned out completely differently. My choice to be honest and forthright with him in the very beginning and his ability to release his jealousy were stepping stones that allowed us to develop a uniquely open and loving relationship.

Learn more about this author, Heidi Attir.
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