by Yellow Rose

Created on: August 28, 2008

Friendship and dating CAN certainly go together, but it is a very delicate balancing act!
The secret lies in maintaining the exclusivity of both relationships. That way, mutual respect is maintained and both relationships have the opportunity to flourish to the point where they can be more successfully fused; or unsuccessfully fused with minimal or no repercussion.

Friendship is by far the nobler of the two relationships in my opinion. It involves more sacrifice and time to nurture and is also more difficult to destroy or discard. Friends build mutual acceptance, respect, sincerity and trust over time; and through different kinds of experiences. Over time, true friends get to know who they are when no one is looking and what they are capable of. They get to understand what makes them tick and why they behave the way they do. They choose to love no matter what. Love is at the heart of true friendship and true love never fails - it weathers storms to return even stronger than before. Just think of your closest friends and imagine your life without them... Catch my drift?

Dating, on the other hand, is less of a mystery. If there is chemistry between two (or more!) persons dating can commence. In the same vein, if there is no chemistry or if the chemistry expires, dating can cease as readily as it began. The needs addressed are basically sexual and emotional in nature. These needs, while valid, do not satisfy more fundamental needs such as acceptance, happiness and love; hence dating on its own cannot suffice in the long term. Once the attraction wears off, a new partner is sought; though in a few cases friendship develops. Friends, however, become lovers more readily than the other way round. Sometimes, it does not work but the friendship remains. If a dating relationship does not work out on the other hand, there is usually nothing left to salvage. Everyone moves on to the next partner.

Still, finding and maintaining the right balance in dating a friend is not as simple as it sounds. In fact, you cannot have your cake and eat it! It may prove more effective to work on friendship first. Once that reaches a comfortable level of maturity dating can be gradually introduced. At all times, you must strive to remember that though you are looking at the same human being you are actually having two independent relationships with them. As such you must continually strive to abide by the rules governing each relationship. A good allegory is having your father as your boss. You must always know when to play either the child or subordinate cards. The 'friend' in your father demands that you go the extra mile in your work because everyone would rather lose a boss than a father.

We must, however, be optimistic. We must be willing to make whatever sacrifices are needed to make friendship and dating work with the same person. Why, you may ask? The answer is universal - there is nothing greater and more deeply satisfying that dating your friend!

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