by Big Blind

Created on: August 28, 2008

Be the mouse

'I don't play hard to get. I am hard to get' she said and walked away from me. I now had two martinis in my hands and more chasing to do.

I've heard that line on numerous occasions, and have subsequently ended up with one too many martinis. I've often wondered whether there was something more to that line. Maybe some hidden advice?

How do we play hard to get? How should be behave so that we are hard to get and that the person who 'gets' us is worthy?

Perhaps a reasonable starting point is knowing what kind of person you'd like to be swept away by. When the day comes and that guy offers you a drink, while you're standing at the bar, what will you say? How will you behave? Surely you're not going to let him put his paws on you and dangle you about by your shy little tail? You have some idea as to why he's offered you a drink, and now you want to know whether or not he's someone you'd offer coffee to later on.

Hitch, Hollywood and other fable-like realities cannot give you real life answers. However, what we already know might be helpful: We know that we love hearing about ourselves. We know that we love talking about ourselves. And we know that we like people who like let us talk about ourselves. Keep this in mind, and be that person. Accept his offer for a drink. Get him to talk about himself. Keep asking questions and keep conversation away from yourself. Make him feel that his life is fascinating. Keep the encounter social and platonic. You'll find that you have on your hands someone who likes you, because you listen so well and seem so interested in him, but knows nothing about you. He won't know how to approach you or what to talk to you about (unless he keeps talking about himself, in which case, he won't be getting his caffeine fix).This will give him no edge; no advantage and it will drive him into further effort. This is what you want. You want a worthy effort.

Your threshold is important. You need to ask yourself what it takes before you relent and make it easy for someone to be with you. So for example, if a guy does A, B and C will you go on a date with him? Is that too little? It can't be A to Z, because then you'll never get taken out. So find a workable, reasonable threshold and stick to it. Don't settle for any less. He needs to know that you're not a push over. You're on the move and he needs to chase.

Don't play mouse. Be the mouse.

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