by Teresa Brouwer

Created on: August 27, 2008   Last Updated: October 12, 2010

"Four characteristics constitute anyone who possesses them a sheer hypocrite, and anyone who possesses one of them possesses a characteristic of hypocrisy till he abandons it: when he is trusted he betrays his trust, when he talks he lies, when he makes a covenant he acts treacherously and when he quarrels he abuses." - The Prophet Mahammad

You meet a wonderful guy. He tells you how special and beautiful you are. The words "I love you" make you feel safe, wanted, and special. You ask yourself, how could someone love me so much?

A couple of months into the relationship things change. He becomes jealous of your friends and wants to be the center of your universe. Your family and friends warn you about this guy, but your heart says something different.

You find the both of you spending time with each other all the time. He says that he cannot spend a single minute without you, and he cannot get you off his mind. So, he offers you a beeper: better yet, a cell phone.

You experience your first argument. He grabs your arm and pushes you. He says he's sorry and promises it will never happen again. He says he loves you and would never hurt you.

Unfortunately, you don't see your friends as much as you used to. When you try to spend time with your friends, he gets upset. This "love" you both share turned into an obsession, but you don't see it.

Recognizing an abuser isn't easy. The person may come off as being loving, caring, and fun. At times, they may say that you are the best thing that has every happened to them. They will act as if they want to spend every waking moment with you. This sounds great, but this obsession is the gas that starts the fire.

How can a person recognize an abuser?

*They have low self-esteem
*May have been abused as a child
*Loses temper too easily
*Pathologically jealous of family and friends
*Jealous of opposite sex
*Becomes quickly involved in the relationship
*Isolates their partner from family and friends
*Use materialistic things to solve problems
*Throws objects
*Blame others for their actions
*Threatens suicide
*Threatens life of the victim
*Pressures sex
*Gives beeper or cell phone to the victim
*Abuses alcohol and drugs
*Humiliates victim in front of family and friends
*Spreads rumors (kiss and tell)

The signs are always there in an abusive relationship. We must be in tune with our thoughts and opinions. We have to open our eyes, be true to ourselves, and listen to that little whisper that tells us, "This isn't right." We must trust our instincts and protect ourselves from harm.

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