by Kelsey Fayles

Created on: January 10, 2007   Last Updated: April 20, 2007

You may wonder what the exact reason is for putting an article about suicide in the "depression" category. It is rather obvious that depression [among other mental disorders] often causes suicides; but depression as an effect from having someone you know commit suicide is often overlooked. You may also wonder how a sixteen-year-old girl like me knows so much about this topic. I have struggled with depression for the last four years as well as anxiety, self-mutilation addictions, and the urge to kill myself. But it was the death of a close friend of mine that occurred merely a few hours ago that prompted me to write this; not only as a way to somehow feel like everything's normal, but also to prevent it from happening to someone you love.

The symptoms of wanting to commit suicide are not always noticeable. In my own experience, I was clearly depressed and had obvious signs of wanting to harm myself, such as I mentioned above, self mutilation. Self mutilation varies in form and severity from person to person, but it is all done with a similar intent. I would also have extreme arguments with my parents and counselor, which would result in me breaking down and being destructive to myself and my property [which I would often throw or break in a violent rage]. In my fury, I would scream the suicide plans I had made and display the scars to show I was serious. Eventually my doorknob was taken away because I was no longer safe with myself and I was later sent to a special hospital with other teenagers like me, where I received treatment.

Four years later, I still struggle with my mental health. It is no longer as serious as it first was, merely a problem I have that has become a part of me, as it is with many disorders. But my aforementioned friend had a different situation, which, in the end claimed her life.

My friend was the all-American girl. She was beautiful, a dancer, a talented pianist, nice, outgoing, friendly, athletic, and had a sense of humor you could hear every time she laughed [which happened fairly often]. She was the kind of person that someone like me looked up to, the kind of person you would least expect to do what she did. I found out a few months ago that she was struggling with depression. That alone was a shock because she never showed it. But depression can manifest in the people you would never guess.

I had assumed that it had improved because it wasn't mentioned again. I knew she was taking medication like me, which I assumed "fixed her." But

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>