by Scott Varengo

Created on: August 27, 2008   Last Updated: September 21, 2008

For many years my wife and I had talked about planting a little vegetable garden in our back yard. Nothing huge, we figured. Just a few of your easier-to-grow varieties, that was the plan. Then, somehow, my sister-in-law got involved.

Kris was famous for this sort of thing. Idea's that would never have crossed her mind in a million years suddenly become her greatest goal once she the topic is brought up by someone else. She heard one of our garden discussions and, right over the top of whatever I was saying, spouted "I want to grow a garden!" My wife and I looked at each other, and without saying a word, agreed that things had just gotten very ugly.

With my sister-in-law things like ownership are a very grey area. When my wife Kim and I were first dating I had a small apartment in a rural community south Syracuse, NY. Although we weren't officially living together yet, (Kim had a room at her grandmother's house then), she spent just about every night with me there. The very first time Kris ever visited the apartment she stole my shampoo, apparently because it was the same brand that she used. Kim later told me that Kris apparently thought that Kim had taken the shampoo from her, and so, in her mind, she was just taking back something that belonged to her anyway. The only flaw in that theory was that the shampoo was mine, and it was the only bottle I had. The next time I saw her she asked me how I enjoyed washing my hair with hand soap.

Now we were going to share a garden. I had this sinking feeling that it was going to be the shampoo all over again. Obviously, since we had a backyard and she lived in an apartment building, we would be hosting the nightmare. We borrowed a roto-tiller from a friend, which I quickly learned was far easier to watch be operated on TV than it was to actually use. I had a very difficult time getting it to move forward in a straight line, although I was very good at getting it to bounce up and down like a jackhammer, and a master of getting it to lurch sideways. Eventually, however, I managed to till a nice 200 square foot area.

We selected tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, cucumbers, leaf lettuce and Brussels sprouts. The planting was probably the most painless part, and that's speaking relatively, since I have a bad back, and there was pain involved, but not nearly as much as what ensued.

Almost from the begging arguments about whose turn it was to weed became the primary topic of discussion with regard to our little garden. Kris seemed

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