by Debbie Roeser

Created on: August 26, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

Trying to confront a man with his faults can be one of the most difficult things that a woman has to do. Many times, they do not believe that they have faults or want to blame someone else for them.

I live with a man who believe just this. He has lost three jobs in the four years that we have been together. Each time he blames the employer and not the things that are getting him terminated. We have lost cars, homes, and much more. Again he blames everyone but himself. The other night, after the loss of his last job, I had enough. This is how I finally confronted him.

For the first time ever, I let him know how all of this made me feel. I explained to him how many times my job made me feel like quitting or giving up. He had to know that these are normal feelings and that everyone has them. I let him know that I had to face my difficulties, get up and go to work, and be productive. We had to do this for our family. We all have bad days at work, but, we cannot stop going because of them.

When he asked me for my support yet again in this matter, I let him know that he was not going to get it. It was time to grow up and be the parent, not the person always needing taken care of. I had let it go for the past four years, always thinking it was my fault or that I had done something wrong. Not this time, this time he was going to have to change, there were no more choices. He would change or he would loose his family. In a sense, I put my foot down and let him know that he did have faults and that they were no ones fault but his own. I took my responsibility for enabling him to continue to be the way he was and let him know that this was over.

I then issued ultimatums. You will find a job and keep that job or you will have to leave. I was afraid. Many times I am afraid to confront or do not do it for fear of what will happen.

Should I have handled my confrontation a little better? Probably yes. These are some tips of what could have and maybe should have been done:

1.) I should have considered how he was feeling at the time, putting myself in his shoes. 2.) I should not have confronted in anger. 3.) I should have thought about what I was going to say before I said it. 4.) I needed to consider where the relationship (if there was one) would go from here. 5.) I needed to be ready be ready to stand firm on my choices and the ones it would confront
him to make. 6.) Know it is not always your fault and believe it. 7.) Get the support of the rest of your family before doing the confronting.

I hope that this helps you to realize that when you confront a man with his faults, you need to be ready for what comes next. It does not always need to mean the end of a relationship but perhaps the beginning of a new and better one.

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